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 Two Scoops: May 25, 2009 columns
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Jennifer Gareis
Dirty, rotten (sexy) scoundrels
For the Week of May 25, 2009
Bill's supposed agenda to drive down the price of Forrester and buy it at rock bottom prices is wily, but brilliant. Perhaps now we will find out if Donna is really hot for a guy old enough to be her grandfather.
Bill Spencer is an ass, no doubt. But I can't bring myself to hate him. He's delicious. I have a feeling Don Diamont is suddenly very grateful that Y& R killed off Brad Carlton. Brad never had as much fun as Diamont's new alter ego, Bill.

Bill Spencer burst into town and L.A. suddenly became a much more interesting city. Bill is already in the thick of the action between the Logan and Forrester families which is bound to complicate things. Hooray! B&B needed to be jolted out of the same old switcheroos and triangles.

Bill's supposed agenda to drive down the price of Forrester and buy it at rock bottom prices is wily but brilliant. Perhaps now we will find out whether or not Donna is really hot for a guy old enough to be her Grandpa. (In real life, there is a 26 year gap in the actor's ages, so I am not exaggerating.) Will Donna let Bill Spencer have his way with her? Sure she will, eventually.

The only real question is if it will be an act of blackmail, or an act of choice. Frankly I am looking forward to it, because Donna, Eric, and the plastic honey bear are wearing on my nerves. Every time Donna pulls out that bear t makes me want to go all Aunt Pam on her behind.

My least favorite character right now is Ridge. I know many of you think Ridge can do no wrong, but the guy is a major jerk. Ridge has discovered that he and Brooke aren't legally married, but wants to "keep it quiet" while he decides whether or not Brooke is worthy of his wonderfulness. Ick.

Brooke would be so much better off without him. What sort of commitment does Ridge have? He is standing around waiting for Brooke to mess up again so he can spring out like a Tigger and say "HA! We aren't legally married! See ya Brooke, I am going back to Taylor for awhile!"

Good thing my husband doesn't have a paper that says we aren't married because I mess up all the time. Of course his ex wife doesn't look like Taylor and he hates her, so I think I am safe. My Dad was a pastor and he used to say "Love isn't a feeling, it's a decision." When I was a kid, I didn't understand what that meant. But now that I have been married for over 20 years, I get it.

There are days you feel in love, and days you want to throttle the person you married. There are days you look at them and feel like the most blessed person on Earth, and days you look at them and see the thing that popped out of Sigourney Weaver's abdomen in Alien. If you base a life on how you feel on any given day, most marriages would last about 14 minutes.

If Ridge was committed to Brooke, he would try to understand that she is loyal to her son even though Ridge despises him. He wouldn't like it, but he would break his commitment to Brooke just because they disagree about how to handle her son.

I realize that Phoebe's death and his grief is weighing on him. I am not making light of what Ridge lost. But the flip-flopping between Brooke and Taylor is a pattern with Ridge, not a one time instance. He can't decide which one he wants and swaps partners whenever his enormous ego isn't being sufficiently stroked.

Brooke will soon have another option. After General Hospital foolishly lost the talent that is Rick Hearst, B & B scooped him up, just like they did Don Diamont; brilliant move CBS. Rick Hearst is a phenomenal actor who can play just about anything. He can make you laugh, or cry, or cringe. Rick was on B&B before and was briefly married to Brooke, so she already has a relationship with his character. Should make for an interesting summer, I think he starts airing in July.

In other romantic news, Katie left Nick a break up letter and immediately headed for the bar to get drunk. Really, really drunk. In the funniest exchange of the week, Bill Spencer pulled up a bar stool, said his name was Bill, but his friends called him "Dollar Bill." Katie responded with "My friends call me Home-wrecker." I almost spit iced tea out my nose on that one.

Bill offered Katie a ride home, but in the meantime, she passed out on his bed in his hotel room and once he discovered her identity, he used Katie's circumstance as an in to Donna to prove what a gentleman he had been to rescue her drunken sister. Donna didn't pull back right away when Bill went in for the kiss. She's kind of disgusted by him and kind of turned on at the same time. Let's see which side wins.

And, before Nick even knew Katie left him, he had already taken Bridget back home to dump her, so it all worked out well. Poor Bridget, she is just a sucker for Nick. Maybe third time is a charm and this wedding will stick, but I doubt it. I just can't decide who will steal Nick away next, Brooke, Katie, Taylor- really, it could be anyone. That's one way in which Nick and his half brother Ridge are very much alike. The Wishy-Washy Gene must come from Massimo's gene pool.

The word is out that Owen has been happily 'Cougared' by Jackie. The second funniest line of the week was Nick asking Jackie why she couldn't "take up knitting or cards like other grandmothers." Well, let's face it Nicky, most Grandma's don't look like Jackie M. If they did, they wouldn't be knitting either.

Steffy and Rick are finished "once and for all" (Yeah, right.) after Ridge found his tribute to Phoebe video creepy instead of clever. Wow, who didn't see THAT coming? I predict Steffy will spend her summer hanging out with Marcus and string him along again until she just can't fight her feelings for Rick anymore. (An REO Speedwagon song just popped into my head when I typed that.) Just a hunch.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Aunt Pam knit Bill Spencer a speedo? Will Stephanie take Eric back after Donna is caught frolicking with Bill? Will Ridge's giant ego ever shrink? Will Katie give Thorne a spin since he's had such a long dry spell? Will Thomas and Aunt Pam go off their meds on the same day and take the Forrester employees hostage? Will any of my loyal readers help me out and call or e-mail KFMB Channel 8 in San Diego to ask them to please stop showing all the CBS soaps a day behind? (Call 858-571-8888 or e-mail programming@kfmb.com) THANK YOU. Will B&B win that Emmy it was finally nominated for? Will Taylor stop dressing like a schoolmarm anytime soon?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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