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 Two Scoops: May 1, 2006 columns
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Renee Jones
Come away with me
For the Week of May 1, 2006
Exactly how stupid was it of Lexie to even consider dropping the bomb on Abe that she is doing it with his friend behind his back, in front of a group of like ten people?
Okay, I'm going to start with a hypothetical question. Exactly how stupid was it of Lexie to even consider dropping the bomb on Abe that she is doing it with his "friend" behind his back, in front of a group of like ten people? Even if it was to expose Sami and Alex, isn't that a bit extreme? And what the hell was Eugenia doing there? I love my Sami, I really do, but even Sami should know better than to get into cahoots with the devil. This is worse than the Mysterious Benefactor that turned her into Stan, who of course ended up being Tony. She knows that this piece of slimy trash is doing something to her mom, but she's gotta have Austin (again). The only thing I really enjoy about this storyline is wondering who is going to get their just rewards first. Hopefully, it will be Alex.

Speaking of Alex, who the heck is he, Alastair Crane? Can I, as a private citizen in a post-9/11 America, charter a private plane, order the pilot to make sure the plane cannot be tracked, actually make that happen, and not get shot out of the sky like a skeet target? AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! I'm sorry, that was my scream of frustration. Not good soap opera suspense frustration. More like enraged, seething, all four tires blown out on the freeway frustration. Why in the world does Marlena keep confronting her obviously very disturbed abusive husband IN PRIVATE!!! She had all of the people Lexie invited, including John, Abe the freaking police commissioner, her daughter and stepdaughter there!! Why didn't she say something in front of them?!?!?! I would like Alex's death to be spectacular, something as good as, say, Tony's fake death of getting mauled by the tiger. Wow, DAYS really knows how to bring back a beloved actor and make everyone hate his guts. The story was good, but it should have been over six months ago.

John and Marlena have been apart entirely too long. With the exception of the couple of weeks between her escape from the castle and her falling down the stairs John and Marlena have been apart for the last two years. Can we please find another plot device besides Marlena being held hostage on sub-Salem island, in a European DiMera castle and now by her insane first husband who no one has ever heard of until now, with a crystal, some creepy music and, the cherry on top, the magical mind-melding drug? Does Marlena constantly have to be kidnapped? Can't John and Marlena just fight about who forgot to put gas in the car or something?

The line of the week totally goes to Belle when she told Philip "Why do you always say you know what I'm thinking? You're not psychic, most of the time you're not even right." That actually made me laugh out loud. Thank you, Belle for pointing that out. Now maybe Philip will stop running around reading everybody's mind. You know one thing that I really can live without though, no problem? The sound of Philip and Belle doing it. I think all that grunting and groaning is going to haunt my nightmares for a long time. So, just to make sure that I'm up to speed here, Belle was going to break up her marriage and Shawn's marriage last week, and now she has decided that she and Philip need another baby? Great.

Can Shawn and Mimi get five minutes away from Belle? What exactly is going on with Shawn and Mimi right now that they can't get a little further away from Salem for a week? I know Bo and Hope are divorcing, but Shawn is barely speaking to Bo so why can't Shawn take a little vacation? No one said they have to leave the country, just get a little further away than Green Mountain Lodge, which made me think about something a little off subject. Salem is supposedly in the Midwest, but conveniently is near a mountain (I live in Ohio, near the PA line and I still have to drive at least an hour and a half before I see anything resembling a mountain), close enough to Chicago, which again is nowhere near a mountain, to get there by train in a reasonable amount of time, yet has a river that is magically connected to the ocean. I understand that in order to be a DAYS or PASSIONS fan you have to be really willing to suspend your disbelief, but could just one thing on this show make some sense?

Watching Carrie and Austin doing the "handcuff dance" made me throw up in my mouth, just a little bit. Could Austin be just slightly more obvious and, really, disrespectful? I know you love her and everything, but she is engaged to your brother, who is standing RIGHT THERE, along with the chick you are currently sleeping with! Why didn't he just throw her on the floor and start humping her? Lucas is full of crap if he expects anyone to believe that he is so secure in his love (to quote him directly) that it is perfectly okay if his fiancée bumps and grinds with his brother, who just happens to be her ex-husband.

So now the cops are on their way to Club Dune (again, who named that?) to check out Sami's fake report of drug dealing. Drunk Lexie seems to be really concerned about her "sham of a marriage" all of a sudden. Fifteen minutes before the cops showed up she was getting ready to spill the beans to Austin in a spectacular display of tears and snot, and now she is trying to hide behind her lovah to avoid being caught. Once again, could something on this show make sense, besides Jen and Frankie? They are the most normal thing on the show right now, which of course will soon be ruined by Jack's miraculous recovery (again).

Which of course, brings me to the most senseless thing on the show, Temptation Island, along with Bo and Hope's "divorce" (I won't believe it until I see it). First of all, the whole Alma Delgado thing just doesn't make sense to me. I think it is just some type of ploy to make Hope sympathetic to Patrick to set it up for them to sleep together. Apparently, Hope and Patrick and Bo and Billie are going to have some rebound nookie this week coming up. Why Powers that Be? Why? If anyone ends up pregnant, I swear to God I am sending Corday Productions a bill when I throw my remote through my TV screen.

I really hope the return of Patch and Kayla will breathe some new life into the show, because since about Valentine's day the show seems to be a little bit lost (and repetitive). At the beginning of the year, I couldn't wait to watch DAYS and it was usually my first soap of the day (I tape 5 soaps a day, and whichever has the best story is what I usually watch first), but now it's kind of dragging. Chelsea's trial might be interesting, but is it ever going to come? Zack died in January, it is now May and I can't remember Chelsea even having a hearing, not even when she was being booked. If I recall correctly, after she was booked she was released to Bo and Billie's custody. Come on, bring on the courtroom drama.

So, one last gripe ( I think I just got a weird week this time), but this is an old one. It just occurred to me that Susan Seaforth Hayes (Julie) did not attend Shawn's wedding but on Y&R where she also plays Lauren Fenmore's mother, she did attend Lauren wedding a couple of months ago. Come on now. She attended a wedding on a show she hasn't been on all that long, but was nowhere to be seen at her grandson's wedding on a show that she has been on for more than thirty years? Excuse me while I go bang my head into the wall.

So fellow DAYS fans and scoopers, who do you think will get caught first, Alex, Sami or Lexie? Will Carrie ever realize that Lexie is not that good of a doctor and maybe a second opinion isn't a bad idea? Will Bonnie and Austin ever get together (imagine Kate's face!)? And what the heck happened to Bart?? I miss Bart!

See you in two weeks!

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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