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 Two Scoops: July 7, 2008 columns
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Lie to me and tell me everything is alright
For the Week of July 7, 2008
Every single time in my life I tried to lie or get away with something, I got busted.
Every single time in my life I tried to lie or get away with something, I got busted. When I was a kid, I told my Dad I wouldn't walk down a certain road as the traffic was too heavy. The ONE time I walked on it, he caught me and I was grounded for a month. I have a fondness for wine, but work at a church where half of the people think drinking is a sin. I drove across town to a far away grocery store and try to buy wine, and as soon as I put a bottle in my basket I invariably ran into someone who thinks wine is Satan's beverage of choice. She scowled at me in the checkout line. And those are just a couple I can share publicly…

Carly always gets busted for lying and sneaking, too, but she keeps trying as though she has no recollection of all the times she got busted. Carly told Sonny if she was pregnant, Jason was her baby's father. Jason made her take a pregnancy test and they discovered she was not pregnant. However, in the meantime, a vindictive Sonny opened his trap to Jax and told him he had better get a paternity test. Jax confronted Carly, but once she told him she wasn't pregnant, he dropped it, as apparently he doesn't care is Carly screws Sonny for grief sex in the back of a limo as long as she doesn't get knocked up in the process.

Sonny showed up at Jason's house to ask him if it was true that he slept with Carly. Jason tells Sonny it was just one of Carly's ridiculous schemes. Sonny expressed to Jason that he thought Carly and Jason were working together to punish him for Michael's shooting. Well, if they are, hooray for them. Shouldn't someone be punished when a little boy gets shot in the head? So many people think Carly is being unfair to Kate about this, but I am fully on Carly's side. If someone showed up at my house, took my kid someplace without my knowledge or permission, and my kid got shot in the head and put in a permanent coma, you can bet I would be a B*tch about it and blame the people who took my kid out. Carly would not have agreed for Michael to go to Sonny's warehouse without guards. Kate seemingly doesn't have a single maternal bone in her body and simply can't fathom why Carly would be upset.

Carly was furious with Sonny for dropping the hint to Jax that she had been unfaithful, and to repay the favor, she paid a visit to Kate and told her Sonny would leave her at the altar. Carly mentioned that Sonny left Brenda at the altar, and that he loved Brenda much more than Kate. I'm really done with Kate. I keep trying to send cosmic signals to ABC to bring back Vanessa Marcil and throw Brenda into the mix. I think my signals accidentally went to Carly's brain instead as she has Spinelli researching Kate's past and when she stumbles upon the Connie Falconeri part of the truth, Pop Goes the Weasel.

Claudia also has a trail of lies behind her, and they are beginning to catch up with her. Jerry kidnapped Johnny and when Johnny turned the tables and tried to kill Jerry, he told Claudia that her secret would be exposed should anything happen to him. So at present, Johnny, Claudia, Nikolas, Jerry, and now Anthony know the secret of Claudia's involvement in Michael's shooting. I actually thought for a minute that Claudia was going to confess it to Carly when she went to beg for her help in protecting Johnny's life, but she backed off at the last minute, but still manages to appeal to Carly on the basis that they are alike in some ways. Anthony used the knowledge to reinforce his belief that women don't belong in the business and make too many emotionally charged mistakes. Again, they alluded to an incident from the past, which remained unnamed, but my guess is that creepy Anthony molested his daughter.

The only woman in town making emotionally charged mistakes is Robin, and only because the writer's are writing crap for her to act out. She can't help it. Kimberly McCullough is a fine actress and capable of all sorts of nuances and emotions. If you don't believe me, go to You Tube and download all the old scenes from Stone's battle with AIDS. Hey writer's, give her some material like THAT. Let her be concerned about her baby's health and wrestle with the reality of her health issues, and talk about HIV and give her some real material to work with. Reducing Robin to a selfish shrew that won't let the father of the baby in her living room is beneath the character and the actress. Same goes for Finola Hughes - to bring back the multi-layered Anna Devane only to have her become a caricature of her former self; karate chopping Patrick for saying Hello to her daughter is pathetic.

Also sad is the demise of Logan Hayes. I said it last week and I shall repeat it; they wasted this character. Scott Baldwin had a son he didn't know about but we never got the anticipated storyline to flesh this out. Instead, out of the blue, Logan showed up at the Crimson office this week begging Lulu for another chance after weeks of silently pushing Anthony around town in a wheelchair. Lulu gracefully (okay, not gracefully at all) declined his request. Logan gave Maxie the Stink Eye and blamed her for the couple's demise. Later, after everyone left the Crimson office, Logan snuck back in and tossed Maxie around the place like a rag doll. Lulu stood on Johnny's balcony and watched this unfold… for a REALLY LONG TIME. I kept screaming at her; "Call 9-1-1, you Shrieking Eel!" But she just stood there and watched Logan crack Maxie's head on the floor and did nothing. My Tivo stopped taping before the previews, so maybe they showed her doing something on Monday? I doubt it.

New Dr. Matt has only been at the clinic one day and is already taking action on the fake pill scandal that the rest of the hospital staff ahs ignored for literally months now. Matt filled Nikolas in on the big money business of fake drugs by organized crime, and one has to wonder if they taught Mob Medicine at his medical school? I mean, really - how else would he know that? Oh wait, maybe he watches MSNBC Dateline, I mean, I know a lot about how they bust freaky dudes who try to pick up children online but only because I enjoy watching cops slam 100s of guys onto the sidewalk on MSNBC "To Catch A Predator". I need to stop being so judgmental.

BONUS FEATURE: The winner of my own personal contest where readers write the unwritten story of Logan's Iraq secret was brilliant reader ggirl. Here is her write up. Thanks to everyone who submitted stories! - Tamilu

"Logan is not really Scotty's son. He took on the identity of Logan while in Iraq. This Logan was involved in arms dealing and drug smuggling when he was caught. He was sent to the brig. That is where he met the real Logan. He thinks he killed Logan and took over his identity to enter into the US. The real Logan was a secret agent/spy that had an affair with Robin's mother while she was in Iraq. The real Logan, Scotty's son, is currently working undercover as a young intern doing his fellowship in GH..........what a surprise when he sees Anna and Maxie in the hospital corridor at the same time."

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Spinelli take Jax up on his job offer and resume his role as Australian playboy Damian? Will Sonny ever give a crap that Ric approves of his choices? Will Sonny go to the doctor to have his Magic Sperm tested now that they failed to impregnate Carly? Will anyone read my title and start humming the Jonny Lang song in their head? Will Liz get bored working all the time and try to get Lucky back from Sam just so she has something to do after work besides change diapers? Will Jason go and get a vasectomy so Carly can't lie about him fathering anymore of her upcoming babies?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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