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 Two Scoops: December 7, 2009 columns
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Riddle me this…
For the Week of December 7, 2009
Sometimes the denizens of Port Charles are a puzzling lot. I find myself viewing their bonehead choices and asking…Why?
Sometimes the denizens of Port Charles are a puzzling lot. I find myself viewing their bonehead choices and asking…Why?

For instance, why would savvy undercover agent Dante be listening to his incriminating secret recording of Sonny on freaking speakerphone on the docks so that anyone wandering by could hear? I swear sometimes the writers just write things like that to make me yell at my TV.

Lulu did overhear the recording, but thankfully she's hot for Dante and opted not to have the local mob boss make him disappear. I was also puzzled that the thing that sent Dante over the edge to turn over the recording he had on Sonny was seeing his mom and Sonny laughing over a pot of chili. Sonny's actual crimes didn't trigger it, just some canoodling over a pot of steaming beans.

In other unanswered questions of the universe, wouldn't a big-name artist such as Franco have a reliable glue stick laying around so that when Maxie's photo slid off his canvas 12 times in a row, he could have found a better way to adhere it? Just curious. Things like that keep me up nights because I am a giant nerd.

I was also puzzled by Franco shooting red paintballs at photos of half of Port Charles. Was that supposed to be art, or is he pissed at all those people? I realize that there is a mystery unraveling, but my attention span is on the A.D.D. side so I hope they get to the truth soon.

Also mystifying is how Nikolas Cassadine manages to get so much booty in his horse stables. This week he got not one, but two naked babes in the barn. I fear that must frighten poor Sheba. But my real point is that the smell of horse crap isn't really what I'd consider an aphrodisiac. I mean the dude is a prince, and he has a perfectly good castle that doesn't smell like horse crap just steps away from the stables. Personally, I would be able to control my carnal desires until I got inside the house.

I am such an inquisitive woman… I also wondered who was doing Olivia's big important job at the Metro Court hotel while she was playing Chili Cook-Off at Kelly's diner? I have a job, and if I said to my boss, "Hey one of my friends owns a diner and he's a little short-handed over there. I am going to wait tables for him instead of coming in to do my own job," I am guessing that wouldn't go over so well. On the upside, Olivia called Sonny "Ratatouille" mid chili cook off, which made me laugh. Lisa LoCicero has perfect timing and delivery on those sarcastic cracks.

One thing that made perfect sense this week was the montage set to the irresistible Ryan Webster song, "Smile." When he hit that chorus "Your smile, lights up my living room" I wasn't just smiling, I was beaming and knew I *had* to find that song.

I went on a mission to track it down via my usual musical routes, but all I had were lyrics which Google couldn't find and Shazam didn't know yet. But thankfully there is Twitter, and my Twitter followers came to the rescue and filled me in. Thanks dear Tweeties.

On an even cooler note, Ryan himself responded to our little Twitter-fest, so I was extra happy to buy the beautiful song that happened to be sung by a really nice guy. "Smile" is available on iTunes for the low, low price of 99 cents. I promise you, if you download it, it'll be the best buck you spend all week.

It was nice to see Lulu and Maxie, fashion mavens that they are, looking so dazzling this week. Lulu's red boots with the animal print coat made me drool. Of course I am nearly twice her age and could never pull it off, but hey a girl can daydream. I loved Maxie's shoe query: "If you wore another pair of shoes, would they take you to another place?" That premise could be the start of a really good chick flick, kind of like Sliding Doors. Maybe I will write it in my spare time if I ever get any.

I must give credit where credit is due. GH has worked hard to lighten itself up this year and Karaoke Night at Jake's is a hit. Diane singing "Signed, Sealed Delivered" was a hoot, and Luke and Ethan tore it up on "Stray Cat Strut." And I loved Luke running up to the bar to get a beer during the instrumental section of the song. Sounds like something I would do. Mac and Drunk-lexis' take on "Dancin' in the Streets" was fun, simply to see these the two most uptight characters in town cut loose for five minutes. Lots of fun for us viewers in those scenes, and you can tell the actors are having a blast with it, too.

I don't think Elizabeth will have anything to sing about next week because Rebecca just busted her doing the nasty with her brother-in-law in the horse stables. My guess is that Rebecca will make a beeline to Lucky with her juicy info, seeing as how Elizabeth has been hateful to Rebecca from day one. It's a terrible shame how they wasted the return of Natalia Livingston and let her character basically evaporate.

This entire Liz/Nik/Lucky/Rebecca storyline rubs me the wrong way. It has taken characters that were basically decent and made them toss away all of their values, honor, and loyalty. Not that they were ever perfect, but they had boundaries they wouldn't cross, until now. In the past, Nikolas would never have knowingly betrayed his brother, or Emily's memory by using and abusing her twin sister. He's become a cad. There's a word I haven't heard or used in ages, but really, no other word fit.

Lucky poured his heart out to Nikolas and asked if Nikolas still had his back. We all knew the answer was "no." Nikolas has his own back and doesn't care if he is wrecking Lucky's life or Cameron and Jake's life, as long as his desires are fulfilled.

Elizabeth is no better. She continually makes these declarations that "this can't keep happening," but the next time we see her, it is happening and she's naked with Nikolas again. Blech, I hate them both right now.

The person I feel for in all of this is Lucky. He has made mistakes along the way, but at his core, Lucky is a lot like his mother, Laura - good. Having Jonathan Jackson back in the role makes me happy every day. As much as I liked Greg Vaughn, to me, the "real" Lucky is Jonathan. He has brought tenderness back to the role, which had been missing. I just adore him and I think the reason I am so involved in this storyline is because of Jonathan. Early on with the Liz/Nik flirtation, I was kind of digging the Team Nikolas vibe, but I am now solidly in the Team Lucky camp.

At least I have Olivia and Johnny to root for. I was happy to see them reconnect, although I think Olivia is an idiot for confessing that she kissed Sonny. I guess since she got busted lying about Dante, she has to tell the truth about everything now… I really like the chemistry between Olivia and Johnny, and I hope she isn't sucked in by Sonny's tractor beam. Of course as soon as she confesses that Dante is his son, she will be dead to him for a while because he has a zero tolerance policy on betrayal.

I have to wonder what Spinelli's tolerance policy is on betrayal. Even if he went with the "Three Strikes" policy, Maxie would be about out of chances. I think we all know that Spinelli is going to find out that Maxie was with Franco, considering the fact that Franco mailed a photo of Maxie in a creepy and compromising position to Jason's place and Spinelli has already had that envelope in his hand twice. It's already making me queasy, because I can't stand to see Spinelli hurt and I know its coming.

I am also worried for our resident mob enforcer, Jason. I think he's about to blow a gasket in his attempts to track down Franco and pinpoint his game. Is Franco in town for revenge, or does he merely have a sick obsession with murder and enjoys watching Jason "work?"

Steve Burton can emote more with his eyes than some actors can with their whole bodies. Jason Morgan is basically stoic, so when his eyes get that haunted look, it really impacts the viewers (or at least this one.) I think Jason is actually afraid this time around. In some ways, he's met his match in Franco.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Orange Crush hire Spinelli to be their new mascot, a la Jared of Subway? Will Dante get sick of Jax bossing him around and tape his fat mouth shut and handcuff him to his desk? Will Rebecca stop home to put some clothes on next time before going back to the hospital naked under her coat like she did this time? Will someone please kick Kiefer's *ss for slapping Kristina around, or maybe an axe handle to the head? Will Dante buy the Cops theme song for Lulu's Rock Band game? Will Michael get kicked out of private school for taking a field trip to the scene of his crime? Will Luke offer to buy Jason's "Seven Deadly Sins" painting so he can have a checklist of which one he should try next?

Only tomorrow knows dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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