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 Two Scoops: May 19, 2008 columns
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Lindsay Hartley
Theresa rapes again
by Ekek
For the Week of May 19, 2008
Theresa is one of soapdom's most vivid characters. She's a spontaneous girl who acts without thinking, running on pure emotion. Last week, she did that again by raping Ethan for the second time.


Theresa Lopez Fitzgerald Crane Crane Casey Crane is one of soapdom's most vivid characters. She's a spontaneous girl who acts without thinking; running on pure emotion. Fans usually love her or hate her but she evokes emotional response in almost all viewers. This week she did that again by raping Ethan Winthrop for the second time.

Theresa's history would be disturbing to most people if this were real world rules. Years back she stole a date-rape drug from a doctor. She paid a bartender to keep Ethan's drinks coming. Then she followed him home and poured the drug into his nightcap. After waiting for the drug to take effect, she disguised herself as his wife and slipped into his bed. She succeeded in seducing him, posing as his wife, and the next day he remembered little. Over time, however, little glimpses of memory came back to him and she was found out, probably because she was carrying his child. Ethan accused her of rape many times, but after the birth of the child he didn't want the stigma of rape on the baby so he told Theresa that he didn't consciously know it was her but that deep in his heart he thinks he did. He didn't press charges and he took the baby and let the issue of rape drop.

Since that time, Theresa has drugged her husband and tried to smother him. She poisoned her husband but the wrong person ate the food. She even poisoned Ethan's wife and was nearly sent to prison for it. But Theresa doesn't learn. This week she poured a powder into Ethan and Gwen's evening brandy. Worse than that was the reason she did it. It seems that "true love" Theresa needed to have sex with Ethan even if he didn't consciously know what was going on. Her exact words were, sorry Gwen it's my turn to sleep with Ethan. Poor Ethan thought it was a dream and didn't seem to remember much when his wife later questioned him. As for the wife who came to and walked in on them, Theresa felt confident she was "drugged out of her mind" and would not remember either. I think Gwen does remember and it is only a matter of time before Ethan does as well.

The worst for me was Theresa's conviction that it was worth the risk. If Theresa is discovered to be alive her whole family will be killed; her son and daughter, her mother, her brothers. All murdered. But Theresa thinks that some hot sex with a drugged man is "worth it." She places a very high value on her libido and a very low value on the lives of her children.

Sorry viewers, but this is not love. I cannot separate my morals quite that far from watching a story of supposed love. My values of love do not allow for drugging or having sex with a half-unconscious person for pleasure. I do not enjoy watching it, I do not applaud it, cannot defend it. Theresa is morally bankrupt. The only pleasure I did derive was from watching her hide, crawling on the floor like a female dog in heat. I have no tolerance for rape and Ethan did not deserve to be drugged.

The incident did of course cause conflict among fans and message boards lit up. Diligent moderators should probably receive combat pay. They've stepped into a Theresa war zone. True romantics put the mechanics aside and just enjoyed the passion and sweet words between these two characters - Theresa needing him and him and not wanting his dream to end. Even a blind man could see the physical lust these two have for each other and I am happy for the fans that did enjoy it to have a few minutes of ET together.

So why didn't I just turn off the television? Because…


Vincent Gave Birth

That's right, Vincent gave birth this week. Eve and Julian's hermaphrodite son was impregnated by his own father while posing as Valerie (his female half.) Julian showed up to visit Eve and walked right into the middle of the delivery. Can I say that it was just too hilarious to see Julian's face when he realized his dead son was really alive -- and really Valerie too -- and really pregnant -- and really giving birth on Eve's kitchen table. Now Julian understands why Eve drinks because he picked up that bottle and began swigging it down faster than any drunk I've ever seen. Vincent's delivery had complications (from his male parts in the way of his female parts) and Julian suggested a C-Section by handing Eve a kitchen knife and offering booze as an anesthetic. "What's your pleasure son?" Julian said, offering to pour the drink.

The episodes showing the delivery where some of the best drama, best acting, and best comedy I've seen in some time; and it isn't easy to mix the two masks of theater. The actors have to display wild mood swings from drama to comedy and back. Philip Jeanmarie (the actor playing Vincent) turned in an incredible performance as a man in labor. I swear I was having sympathy contractions with him. I've seen many a staged delivery and so often there is nothing real about it. But this male actor pulled it off in style. Better yet, when things got too serious, he popped into his hysterical comedy routine playing off of Eve Russell (portrayed by the gifted Tracey Ross.) These two are a dynamic team, huge talents that work surprisingly well together. Eve always seeming so down to earth and Vincent is an obvious space cadet, yet they relate in a rather twisted way that is both amusing and endearing to this viewer. It was a real pleasure to see Julian with his grandson. Eve was touched to see that no matter how much Vincent's hatred had hurt Julian he could still hold and love that innocent child. The baby doesn't have a name yet because Vincent had to scurry out to kill his Aunt Sheridan but I do hope that issue is addressed shortly. Thank you, thank you, and thank you to Philip and Tracy for making my week.


Life at Tabitha's House

Life at Tabitha's house is getting rather complicated of late. Tabitha can't even sip a Martimmy in peace without some evil magic threatening to expose her as a witch. This week Noah and Paloma saw sparks fly and chase them through the house. Tabitha had to convince them that the tea they took from her kitchen was left over from the 60's and her psychedelic experiments as a flower child. These two are naïve enough to buy anything she says.

But the line of the week (for me) was when Tabitha reminisced about her steamy nights with Zorro and how she'll explain the Z on her bum when Endora is older; how indeed Tabitha, how indeed.


The Triangle from Hell turns Blue

I really cannot stand these triangles as I feel the unresolved, unending, hurtful schemes are what ruined the show. Still I find myself discussing them like most fans do. The argument probably perpetuated by who you think is right and who you think is wrong. I've come to think that they are all in the wrong. There really isn't another fair way to look at it, in my opinion.

This past week Theresa made another promise to God. No more schemes and lies. Where have I heard that promise before? Oh, right; on her lips. She's no more capable of decency than Marie Antoinette could give up luxury. Theresa wants what Theresa wants and woe it to anyone that gets in her way. She's been chasing Ethan Winthrop since day one of the show and nothing has changed accept that she's now a married woman who has zero hope of a divorce from the world's meanest man. Oh, and she's supposedly dead as well. Theresa is reduced to playing petty tricks like putting itching powder on bed linens. I do find it easier to watch than blatant sexual attacks, murder schemes, blackmail and dead babies. This chick really believes that all is fair in love and war. I guess she's never heard of the Geneva Convention.

Ethan Winthrop is the world's biggest cad. He lies in bed with his wife and tells her he loves her and only her until the day he dies, but he's looking at Theresa's picture when he says that. In fact all of these years could have been avoided if he had been honest with himself about what he really did want. A respectable wife he was devoted to or the mistress who would do anything to be with him. He spent 9 years fending her off and now that she's dead she is all that he can think about; that and adopting her only son.

Gwen Winthrop is Ethan's legal wife. She's been his sweetheart since boarding school and an arranged match for Ethan since the day she was born. Too bad she doesn't know when to put the past behind her. She clings to a man who pines for a harem, her and his mistress. She's watched this cad forgive the woman who killed her children and made her life a living hell since 1999. Doesn't she realize that if his own flesh and blood means so little to him that he isn't husband material? Instead Gwen has turned vicious and she blackmailed Theresa to keep her away from Ethan.

Once again I am hugely disappointed in Pilar. Pilar has been using Little Ethan to hammer away at Gwen. She swears she'll support Ethan's attempt to adopt the boy and thereby make sure she is always around and that Little Ethan's face will be a constant reminder of Theresa. So what does she expect? That a blackmailer will fall apart and turn herself in? Especially one who sees herself as defending her marriage? We are getting the response that we might typically expect. Little Ethan is going away to boarding school and if he doesn't watch his step he'll be in military school instead.

Things cease to be fun when a child is hurt and every adult in this group is hurting him. His own grandmother puts her lust for revenge before his welfare. Worse yet the boy's mother goes on posing as the nanny instead of protecting him properly. Where will she draw the line? Is her commitment to chasing Ethan really stronger than her maternal instincts? Who will step forward on Little Ethan's behalf after he dyed Gwen blue?

The triangle has descended to far into crime to be of any further entertainment value. Theresa lies, commits suicide, tries to murder, blackmails, tramps around, sells her body to Alistair and all the while proclaims her love. Ethan talks out of both sides of his mouth. Gwen sinks to Theresa's level and blackmails Theresa and Pilar and now wants Theresa's spawn ejected from the family. Theresa is presumed dead and Pilar wants Gwen to pay. I see nothing about love in this mess. I see lust, greed, anger and revenge.


As if we needed another Triangle

The last thing we needed was another triangle. But we've got another, because evil has come back to Harmony. Paloma and Noah were already struggling with the tensions and complications of the plots against them. Fancy's mind control device forced her to kiss Noah. But just as Luis instantly forgave Fancy, his sister Paloma couldn't forgive Noah. Paloma wants complete commitment or nothing. So now her ex-boyfriend Roberto is back and she finds herself kissing him for no reason. I wonder now if she'll believe Noah. She really doesn't deserve his faith in my view because she never gave it. But the purity of their love is one small thing to believe in. Isn't it?


What tops a Triangle? Three crazy women and one man.

This is probably the most bizarre of all the triangles. Fancy's been fighting her Aunt Sheridan for Luis' attention almost since they started dating but things got really nasty when Fancy's sister Pretty got involved. I've said that Pretty may be the real Crane heir and Sheridan said the same thing herself this week. There seems to be no limit to what Pretty will do to her sister and her aunt. This week Luis proposed to Fancy while Sheridan and Fancy snooped in the hallway. The scream of rage that Pretty let out were exactly the same as I've heard from Alistair when his plot is foiled. Call me naïve but there is something twisted about watching 3 family members chase down the same man. Count it four if you include Beth. What is it with the Lopez-Fitzgerald children sleeping their way through an entire family line? Theresa did it and now Luis has. There is a definite yuck factor to this triangle/quadrangle.


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