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 Two Scoops: May 24, 2004 columns
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Michael Graziadei
A hot time in the old town
by Nita
For the Week of May 24, 2004
It seems obvious Daniel was never told, nor apparently never bothered to inquire about, the reason for the lack of a motherly figure in his practically parentless life.
I doubt few were surprised when Daniel failed to race rapturously into Phyllis's arms overjoyed at having at last laid eyes on his long missing Mommy. It seems obvious Daniel was never told, nor apparently never bothered to inquire about, the reason for the lack of a motherly figure in his practically parentless life. Since Daniel appears to be completely clueless as to the identity of all the obscure branches on his crooked family tree, it will be interesting to see how he feels when he learns he has no biological tie to the relatives he calls Dad and Aunt, respectively.

I admit I felt no sorrow on Phyllis' behalf for Daniel's initial rejection of her, because wracking my brain until it grew weary, I couldn't remember the Judge forbidding the mortified Mommy any future contact with her court-snatched son. No one forced her to meekly accept Danny's decision to park her boy high up in the Swiss Alps and let the past 14 years pass without so much as a postcard of greeting. And for his past and continuing poor Papa pattern, Danny needn't hold his breath in anticipation of receiving any Father of the Year awards. For even though his career had been skidding inexorably down a slippery slope toward obscurity for some time, he still had no desire to spend any of that time hanging heavily on his hands with his son, leaving it up to other people's families to make his son's holiday moments memorable. And even now, having finally had Daniel shipped stateside after literally years of neglect, still leaves him to his own devices, like occupying his free time puttering helpfully around the A.C. in service to his Aunt Gina. He even regularly bribes him with a crumpled dollar bill or two to ensure he'll vacate Chris' premises leaving his Papa free to parade proudly around in Paul's too-big bathrobe. Talk about a deadbeat dad. With no visible indications that he works or ever plans to, his only interest seems to be hovering hopefully around Pristine, grinning idiotically while they relive their giddy teen years, as uninteresting now as they were then. As for St. Pristine, as usual, she sets her own hours, apparently choosing to spend none of them stuck behind a cluttered desk at the office. Her important career no longer so consuming, she seems content now to prance prettily around the condo playing happy housewife (a role she adamantly refused to assume for Paul).

I suppose I shouldn't be so hard on Danny. He's much like the typical Genoa City parent. You know, fight tooth and nail to possess a child they can call their own, then, once that precious parcel has been placed in their care, they immediately lose interest, leaving their upbringing to the hired help.

So what's ahead for this definitely dysfunctional family? In her conversation with Daniel, the few cryptic words of accusation Phyllis was able to squeal out should have been just enough to whet his appetite, leaving him hungering for the rest of the story. If he is told the "truth" or a reasonable facsimile thereof, he just may choose to move in with Phyllis (hopefully in that instance she will return to that expensive hotel suite, not merely move him into Damon's digs) so he can get to know her better. Since Danny has chosen to play house with his pristine princess over the opportunity to actually spend time with the son he allegedly loved so much he felt compelled to wrench him from his mother's arms, in my opinion, it would be exactly what he deserves.

Paul seems to have finally gotten over his obsession with the fair Christine. Probably assuming she's gotten exactly what she likely always secretly wanted in an over the hill ex-rocker with no career aspirations, content to wait patiently at home for his little woman to earn, buy and fry the bacon, then serve it to him besides. In return, he has only to keep her balanced high atop that pedestal he's always placed her on, stroking her ego with plenty of compliments as to her skills in both the courtroom and the bedroom, along with fervent expressions of his continuing adoration. For all of this, Pristine gets to play at motherhood to an already grown man-boy without having had to suffer though the pains and strains of birthing and upbringing.

Dru's hair continues to desert her skull in droves, and while I confess I didn't try very hard, I couldn't manage to dredge up a solitary trickling tear over her hair-raising predicament. As she's entertained us mightily with her seemingly unending and quite varied collection of purchased hair and headgear, my reaction to her distress was pretty much "big deal, just throw on a wig, plop a hat on top and go on about your business of meddling in other people's lives."

I've checked out the new teen, Devon (real life name Bryton - if you want to see him, a quick search of his name ought to bring him up) allegedly scheduled to arrive in the City soon. He is rumored to tie in with Victor through his community service project. But after looking at him in all his sun-kissed glory, I wouldn't be surprised to discover he might also be linked to the Winters' clan, perhaps by way of Malcolm. But there's one other possibility. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who has tripped and tumbled inelegantly over those red herrings purposely placed in plain sight, alluding to the possibility of a little Damon or Damonette in Damon's shadowy past. Of course, both of those are just my uneducated guesses fans, so don't bother to quote me on them. Time will prove me right. Or wrong. Anyway, if Devon doesn't turn out to be a formerly unknown Winters' family member, Lily may have a shot at a new infatuation to finally remove her mind from her unfortunate relationship with Kevin.

But that, as I always say, is for later. For now, in spite of vehement and virulent cries from two thirds of the Winters family faction, Neil proved that in his house there's no such thing as democracy and, as Head of the House of Winters Wonderland, will demonstrate by example, the fine art of integrity and fair play in the game of life. Although his ladies would like nothing better than to see Kevin staked out atop an overpopulated red ant hill, his eyelids tooth picked open to roast in the blazing sun until he expires from bites and sunburn, Neil has decided to do the right thing and deliver what should amount to Kevin's walking papers right into the incompetent hands of dour Detective Weber. Has this man EVER solved a case without assistance from the very citizens he's paid to protect? Judging from the history of bungled cases haphazardly handled from the PD and DA's offices, I have to wonder if the prisons near Genoa City contain any inmates who are actually guilty. By the way, on more than one occasion, one or more of the Winters family members have implied that as they are the only ones in the know, none would be the wiser should they keep their mouth flaps fastened about Kevin's alibied whereabouts (even though I think a good case could be made that for at least the eldest Winters woman, such a feat might prove well nigh impossible). But what of the detective who compiled the log. Might he occasionally read the smeared print on the front page of the GC paper, recognize the name of the man who bored him to tears with his uninteresting day to day activities, put one and one together, get two, and perhaps go to the authorities himself. But then again, that may be expecting way too much.

Unaware of the mental struggle with his conscience Neil's just won, Kevin has no idea his cage is on the verge of being unlocked. And as many a backsliding criminal has bravely boasted, Kevin has vowed to choose death over detainment. But his two loyal supporters, Lauren and Michael have suggested an alternative - masquerade as mental in order to remain on the visiting side of the jailhouse bars. Well, as most things do in GC, this ploy is liable to backfire. First, because by the time Neil shows his piece of the puzzle to a probably doubting Weber, Kevin may have already taken a step down the path of no return without forced medication. On the bright side, finding himself committed to the care of those charged with untying the tangles in other people's brains could get Kevin the psychiatric help he clearly needs. It would be one obvious way to redeem this character completely and a claim of temporary insanity could lift him off the hook for the crimes he did commit. I must admit Lily's brief flashback to the skin-crawly side of the former internet insect was an unwelcome reminder and made me glad those in charge decided to show us another side. And I actually thought Lily's tormented portrayal of her inner turmoil pitting her wish to see Kevin pay for making her feel like a love sick fool against her Daddy's determination to do the honorable thing was quite well done and believable. Free of the whining or sarcastic qualities she so often exhibits, to loosely paraphrase our former Commander in Chief, "Lily, I felt your pain." And finally, proving she's much more mature than her self-absorbed Mommy, Lily retracted her rash statement of permanent non-forgiveness and graciously gave her stamp of approval to Daddy's decision.

While I remain a fan and staunch supporter of a Phyllis/Jack joining, obviously these two are over, at least for now. Perhaps unwilling to take the chance of coming face to face with his ex's current squeeze stalking arrogantly through the halls of Jabot; Jack has taken refuge at the A.C. where he obviously hoped to drink himself into oblivion. Jill, also tethered loosely to a lonely lariat, happened upon him there, found herself strongly drawn to the scruffy-cheeked CEO and, voila, a mismatch was made. Many find the thought of these two pairing up a bit unbearable given their family connection, but it was fun to see both of them in a flirtatious rather than complaining mode for a change. For Jill, whose choice of a love connection has always seemed to skirt the edges of decency and good taste, choosing to dispense her party favors to her ex-husband's son is nothing out of the ordinary. As for Jack, he's probably just hoping Jill's experienced hands will make him forget whose body Phyllis' equally adept ones are sending over the edge of ecstasy on a regular basis. And since John and Jill's incompatible coupling is old rancid water under a dilapidated drawbridge, he probably figures what would be the harm. I confess I am quite enjoying this sardonic, who cares side of Jack and like his razor shy face and new slicked back do. Finally, no more pompadour pushing.

Along with some fans, a couple of Abbotts are also looking down their noses in disapproval at the spectacle of Jack and Jill. John's silence could be perceived as disapproval, but more likely is simply resignation that he'll never understand what makes his grown children tick, and aware that although he pays the bills at the Abbott compound, he has no real say in whom cavorts through it. Ashley, however, doesn't bother to harness her tart tongue, but it's much like the pockmarked pot directing derogatory digs at the scarred up skillet. In my opinion, Ashley should be the last to toss tacky barbs at her brother for trying to bury his trying troubles in a couple of mindless seconds, okay I'll be generous, minutes, carousing crazily with Jill. Because when I looked up the word tacky in Webster's, the first thing I saw was Ashley's frowning face. In my opinionated mind, not many things are as tasteless and tacky as a sneaky semen stealer wedded to her sister's ex-husband.

Maybe instead of concerning herself with who might be burrowing beneath her brother's blankets, Ashley should perhaps use the time to master her muddled mind. Proving that even when she is presumably sane, she isn't always aware of what each side of her straining brain is thinking, mere days ago she claimed to be in dire personal need of Damon's talent (in the lab, rather than in his bedroom lair) to play at lead chemist and tweak Jabot's various long neglected product lines, promising to make Jack sorry if he did anything so silly as firing the laid back lab rat. But she must have forgotten all about that because she now insists the company belt must be tightened by any means necessary if they're to have a hope in the hot place of holding off bankruptcy for more than six months. Given their financial straits, it seems senseless to continue to pay Damon's presumably exorbitant salary when he never bothers to perform, at least not in the office. Removing him and the equally useless Diane from the payroll would likely buy them an additional six months.

When it comes to carving out a place for himself in Abby's life, Victor's mellow mood of a week ago has obviously changed and he's now demanding to be penciled in on Abby's play date calendar. Causing alarm bells and whistles to jangle noisily in every room. Apparently at the Carlton compound, hypocrisy is a trait not just reserved for Ashley. Brad is well versed in that particular art himself. Positively beside his silly self with incense because Victor dared to desire a piece of his daughter's life, Brad apparently wishes Victor would follow the example once set by him, to be a man who for years was cozily content to allow another man to raise his bio daughter. Of course, once Brad got a Now I wanna be a Daddy bee in his beribboned bonnet; he certainly didn't hesitate to fling the bio daddy card directly in Traci and Steve's shocked faces. While the Carlton's will likely be able to buy themselves a small window of time with the excuse of seeking professional instruction on how best to mop up Ashley's sticky mess, Victor made it clear the sand in the hourglass was trickling out and when it was gone, ready or not, into Abby's life he would come.

The more I eavesdrop on Sharon and Nick and their inane interactions, the more I believe they are truly a match made in hog heaven. If there is anyone more obtuse than Nick (Sharon excepted), point him out to the nearest mad scientists for their immediate observation and thorough study. After months of confusedly watching his wife mentally deteriorate to the point of needing medication, willingly subject herself to a head-shrinker's care, and hearing in so many mumbled words the underlying cause of her distress was Cameron Kirsten, a man she detests with every fiber of her fabricating being and who has caused all but two of her marbles to roll unchecked from her unattended mind, why in the name of all that's sensible would the Newman nitwit even consider putting himself under the man's employment thumb? Was his oblivious mind mulling over other matters when his wife cried out that the one thing she wanted most from her miserable life was Cameron Kirsten forever out of it?

Thanks to all of you for sharing your predictions as to what's really going on in the reincarnation of Cameron Kirsten. The three top theories were: Cameron playing a diabolical game, an evil twin, and a dream sequence. While Grace is believed to have been chin deep in the plot from the start, something tells me Cameron has several cards stashed up his sleeve she hasn't been shown. It's presumed she won't be pleased when she catches a glimpse of them. Which in the end (likely a long, long time from now) could wind up being his undoing.

Over at the coed loft, I'm guessing freshly sharpened feline claws will soon be unsheathed and scratched out fur will be flying all over the hiss-filled room. The euphoria still lingering within Jill from her pool-side touchy-feely fest with Jack evaporated the instant her horrified eyes lit upon Mackenzie. It's plain to see that even the mansion is not spacious enough to contain Jill, Kay and Mackenzie, even with the Judge's calming presence. So one of them will have to go and I don't have to sacrifice many brain cells to figure out which one it will be and where she'll be running for refuge. I hope she isn't expecting a warm and gracious welcome from a baleful, bitter Brittany.

I expect Mac's presence will make the jealous Brittany shun the loft and seek frequent solace at the pink palace named for her. Speaking of Marilyn's, it's beginning to look as if Bobby may reap the benefits of Paul finally clambering clumsily aboard the Save Kevin bandwagon. As Paul begins to scratch at the surface of Mr. Lewis' illegal operations, it's possible he could unearth a few skeletal bones mixed with the dirt and crumbling concrete. Which could effectively and simultaneously extricate Bobby from Lewis' grasping clutches, mark his debt to the menacing mob paid in full and leave him free to race willy nilly down more legal paths. And if Angelo is indeed as innocent as he keeps proclaiming himself to be, Bobby will likely let him hitch a free ride on his lucrative cabaret caboose.

What will the week hold? Well, as indicated by the title, with that lighter clutched tightly in Kevin's pyromaniac paws, it should definitely be a hot time in the old town this week ... in more ways than one.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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