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 Two Scoops: August 15, 2005 columns
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Jerry Douglas
Goodbye Bobby
by Nita
For the Week of August 15, 2005
What is to become of Mrs. Marsino and son now? Were those really federal agents that came to escort her husband into the witness protection program?
Throughout the months of Marsino mob madness and mayhem, I've had to swallow really hard more than a time or two just to be able to choke down the outlandish mob fare that's been piled high on my plate. But finally, I had to push back from the table because I could see at a glance that the chunk of unpalatable plot pie that was plopped on my plate during the final days would be impossible for me to get down my gullet, even with a big gulp of Pepsi to help it along. Yes, I'm referring to Angelo and the infamous Joshua snatch. Presumably, this two month premature infant was ensconced safely in a sterile intensive care incubator, tubes and wires attached to his every appendage. Alarms would surely have squealed and trilled in earsplitting protest if the little Joshua tot so much as took too deep of a breath, yet Angelo, armed with nothing more than a discarded doctor's lab coat and some patient's clipboard, was able to waltz inside and literally whisk him away! And did Angelo go with him to some unused room far away from prying eyes, where he could call Bobby's cell phone and negotiate his trade in private? Nope, not our Angelo. He picked the middle of a busy hospital hallway to hold a gun to Joshua's head. J.T. and Bobby's brave rescue was expected and anticlimactic.

Although it was widely reported Bobby's departure would likely set a record for Puff's use, perhaps sending their stock prices skyrocketing through the roof, though I tried, I wasn't able to eke out even one tiny, trickling tear. Heck, the truth is I didn't even make it to the lump in the throat. In fact, if it wasn't for the torrent of tears shed by Nikki and Brittany, I wouldn't have been sure I was actually seeing Bobby's sad so long. Just call him Mr. Emotionless. While I saw some glimpses of sadness as Bobby and Nikki wistfully took their leave of one another, that emotion was much harder to see in the adieu he bid his bride. It's always been close to impossible for me to see or smell the heat between Miss May and Mr. December, and that didn't change just because they were at the end rather than the beginning.

So what is to become of Mrs. Marsino and son now? Were those really federal agents that came to escort her husband into the witness protection program? Despite the fact that following her man into the anonymity of witness protected made up names and histories means Brittany must wave a forlorn farewell to her family and friends, the same friends we never see (unless you count J.T. and Lauren) and the in town parents she doesn't talk to, this faithful wife is fully prepared to do so. If the persistent rumors surrounding Ms. Woodland's possible departure turn out to be true, this could in fact be the coming scenario. But in this case, the rumors are probably false and the only place Brittany is likely headed for is a place where someone else will be paying the monthly bills.

Which brings me to another affluent someone else who signs the monthly checks to pay the way for another. Yes, I'm talking about John Abbott and his ditzy diva, Gloria. For a long time I've been one of the current Mrs. Abbott's biggest cheerleaders, leaping up and down on the soap sidelines, wildly shaking my pom poms in full support of her recapturing her husband's trust and adoring affection. But her idiotic decisions lately have caused me to flip flop my opinion. I can't believe she's paying good money for every bad syllable her snake of a husband is hissing in her gullible ears. For someone as brainless as she's been behaving, you almost want her to get caught and tossed out to fend for her own silly self in the cold, uncaring world. Her ignorance of Tom's Genoa City presence was her get out of trouble card, one that surely could have been handed to John and used to permanently sever the marital ties between her and Tom. But did Gloria play it when she found it stuck to the Old Maid card in her hand? Of course not. Nooo, she chose to pile lie on top of lie, while simultaneously using John's dollars to try to buy her way out of her predicament. For her stupidity, when John discovers her duplicity, he would be well within his rights to never trust her again. Especially since anyone with even one half of a working brain cell would know greedy Tom's thirst will never be slaked; he will undoubtedly keep returning for more gulps from the Gloria Abbott well. According to Tom, John's riches are so vast, he'd never miss the paltry drops Tom's requiring Gloria to dribble in his bucket. A view I certainly don't share. Especially since Gloria won't be able to hide her payoffs to Tom behind Lauren and Michael's extravagant wedding much longer.

By the way, and having nothing to do with anything else, what is up with Tom and that hot leather jacket in the middle of a blistering summer heat wave?

When it comes to slipping on rose colored glasses, then burying your head in the sand just to make sure you won't be able to see a thing, Lauren is in a dead heat with goofy Gloria. Because I've chosen of my own free will to lollygag five days a week in the land of make believe, I'm going to pretend I buy into the premise that lo these many long years, Lauren has been sneaking apprehensive peeks over her shoulder due to her all-consuming fear of Sheila. I realize if you decide to add new pieces to a puzzle, you have to make the ones you already snapped in place fit somehow. That in order to make this new Sheila addition plausible, some parts of the past just aren't going to mesh too neatly together. Which means I will close my eyes and my mouth and pretend I don't see the obvious holes in past history. But, what about the present? I know it's my nature to sometimes over analyze things, but why can't Scott be part of Lauren's away wedding plans? If Sheila really wanted to find Scott, she could have easily followed Lauren to him at any time. So what's the big deal about him being part of a wedding in Hawaii? Of course, by the time the wedding date arrives (if it ever actually gets set, that is), Scott will probably be able to attend. Because everyone, including Lauren, will realize there's no more reason to hide from Sheila, since she'll likely be casting a malevolent shadow in plain sight.

But that's for later. For now, everyone who's interested believes Sheila is locked safely away, the key to her cell kept far from her crafty clutches. Michael, determined not to make the same mistake others have made before him, that is, taking the word of someone else that the disease has been safely quarantined, decided to see the vanquished vixen with his own eyes. After seeing what he saw, I certainly couldn't blame him for being fooled by the Sheila imposter. I have two sets of eyes, and both of them would have had me swearing I was staring at the real McCoy. Although even with the little Michael knows about Sheila, alarm bells should have immediately began clanging loud enough to give him a headache the moment the warden said the escapee had just nonchalantly wandered back onto the grounds of the kennel, after making an apparently successful escape. Obviously, Sheila made very good use of some of the ransom money Massimo paid her for Ridge Forrester. Did she find some poor helpless homeless person, drug her and pay some unscrupulous surgeon (perhaps the same one who gave Matt Clark a new face) to make her look just like herself? Or does the diabolical she-devil have a twin? Of course, given Sheila's wide range of cunning capabilities, the look alike scenario was completely expected, but even I was surprised at what Sheila had managed to pull off. I would sure love to hear what the stand-in has to say if she's ever weaned off the drugs keeping her docile and coincidentally incommunicado. So much for the warden's confident assertion that Sheila's no longer a threat to anyone. The way this woman can disappear and reappear, her middle name ought to be Casper. Even seeing her lying dead in a casket wouldn't guarantee we were rid of her, because just like Taylor on B&B, she could still one day wake up and climb out of the dirt to annoy us all over again.

I didn't have to hear but about two words formed out of Sheila's sick, twisted mind to know the years away have not improved her. She is still quite a few bricks short of carrying a full, sane load and clearly inhabits a dimension entirely separate from the rest of the semi sane Genoa City citizens. If I wasn't looking in the mirror every day and noting the proof that the years have been a-passing, I would have thought it was still 19 ninety-something, the year Sheila seems to be stuck in, because the tall tale she's telling Scott is the same old delusional fable she's always told. For this sick puppy, things never change, they ever remain exactly the same.

What is not remaining the same is the preferred hair color of most of the ladies in this town. Are my eyes going bad or is Lauren the latest Genoa City lass to take a loiter down the blonde lane of hair coloring products? What is going on? Did I miss seeing the banners that decreed that 90% of the ladies who call GC home must turn their locks some definitely not God given shade of blonde? Ladies, ladies, please take note. Although it's alleged that blondes have much more fun than the rest of us darker-rooted lasses, blonde does not work equally well for everyone. Just my opinion, fans, not a single one of you may agree. So who will go blonde next? Victoria? Lily? Dru? You notice I didn't say Olivia; I think she's been there done that, and since we haven't seen her in forever, for all I know, could be doing it still. Again, nothing to do with anything else, just something I couldn't help noticing.

Poor Nicolas. The pungent scent of a platter of cooked crow is growing very strong now. If Nick turned off the air conditioner and threw open the windows, I'm sure it would knock him to his knees. Learning from Sharon that Chris had threatened to send Genoa City's version of Laurel and Hardy to poke through their possessions in search of Cassie's clothes didn't even cause his forehead to perspire. He could care less how thoroughly Weber and his assigned minion searched his premises. It's not as if he hid them there. Given the size of the Newman holdings, Cassie's clothes would never be found even if they sent the whole Genoa City PD to look for them. But it was rather coldhearted of Nick to leave Sharon to face the long suspicious faces of the law alone.

Not that Nick got off scot free in the end. Talk about ruining a good lovemaking mood, the raucous redhead turned off all the love jets when she burst through the unlocked front door right into the Newman's love nest, I mean their living room. Obviously her unannounced visit wasn't very welcome or amusing to the Newman's, but it sure as heck made me laugh my fool head off. She didn't even blink an eye at interrupting the young Newman's special moment. I have to admit, though, that as much as Phyllis the interfering feline often snaps my last nerve right off, she does do the mommy thing with Daniel quite well. Of course that is one characteristic of Phyllis that has remained constant. She has always adored her Daniel. Actually, Phyllis is one of the few Genoa City residents who has remained true to her created character. From the start she was completely selfish and would use whoever she had to and do whatever had to be done to get what or who she wanted. And today, she is exactly the same. When it comes to Phyllis, what you see is exactly what you get couldn't be a truer statement.

The same cannot be said about Miss Mackenenzie Browning, however. This one has undergone so many changes, she's literally no longer recognizable. For Mac, there weren't many sins more serious than telling a lie, white one or not. Daniel lost any chance he might have had for all time because he failed to disclose his real age. But obviously, lying is no longer any big deal to once moral Mac. After all her wailing, whining and whimpering, Mac is already hedging her bets about what J.T. has done. No matter that he snatched her heart out of her chest and tromped up and down on it. It was all for a good cause. Brittany's. Of course he didn't mean to hurt Mac, he now pleads sincerely. It was all for her protection. And Brittany's. He couldn't have done it any other way, because after all Mac would never have been able to hide the panting puppy dog look of love for J.T. from the mob had she been told the truth. And then she would have gotten hurt. And Brittany. Yeah, no matter what Britt-protective spin J.T. puts on his past actions, the bottom line is, he chose Britt over Mac. Not that it matters anyway, Mac's character has been completely erased, and another much less interesting one created. So I wouldn't be at all surprised to see Mac eventually forgive J.T. his fabrications and eagerly invite him back into her no longer virginal bed.

That dull thud you hear is me repeatedly pounding my irritated head against my hardwood floor. That's where I fell the moment I heard Lily whine Daniel's name. I am so sick of hearing that name fall from that girl's lovesick lips, I'm about ready to run screaming from my living room where I will probably be arrested and stuck with the Sheila look alike in lockup. If ever a girl needed to find a purpose for living, it would be Lily. One that didn't begin, end and stop in the middle with Daniel. Could you believe she donned yet another non-disguise and slipped into the courtroom to see Daniel? For once I was cheering Phyllis on for throwing her disobedient derriere out.

At last the trial of the year has arrived. Though Chris has confessed she isn't feeling very confident, she certainly looks the part of a self-assured lawyer. Okay, my third observation which has nothing to do with anything. Christine's 'do for the first day of court. I thought it was quite becoming.

I know Christine thinks she has no case, or at least hasn't one she feels can't be blown full of holes by one blast of DA Richards scattergun, from my seat on the sofa, it sure sounds a lot like reasonable doubt to me. I don't know what the Judge will think, but I think in the end Nick could very well be the reason Daniel will one day walk free and hold his precious Lily close again.

And my fourth and final nothing to do with anything comment. So I see there's a new set in town and all the half-dressed denizens are flocking there. So where were they all swimming before?

Okay, fans, I haven't covered it all, but I've covered enough. The rest of the page is yours.

* * * * * * *


SANDI - How did Mac get on the ranch when Victor added more guards to the gate and around the ranch! And why did Mac go to the main house and NOT where Nick and Sharon actually live? I agree, Sheila has probably been following Scott's whereabouts all these years. By the way, no teaching assistant or any university system employee tutors in their apartment! There are university tutoring spaces on campus for that! Angelo the "hit man" for the mob? The mob is in trouble if that is all they have. What happened to Malcolm; thought he was done with running away from his troubles? What about his job with Jabot? They brought him back for what? Fighting with Dru, running the coffee shop?

FRANCES - Yes it is better to be late than not show up at all. Also, glad you saved your treasures from the crash. Your experience moves me to get off my duff and back up my own treasures on this machine. Family stuff for my scrapbook so it is irreplaceable.

GEORGINA - I think that Brittany and J.T. have to admit they have feelings for each other. How long can J.T. keep pining over a woman who's married? I'd say they should either get them together soon or they should make J.T. find someone else and I don't mean Mac, she's too plain for him! Every time I see J.T. and the new Mac together it puts me to sleep. I hope they don't get back together.

SHERRI - All I can say is, what kind of PI is Paul, when he can let his own office be bugged by the fake mob guys? That was the most stupid thing I have ever seen! Well one more thing, What's up with Nick? I understand he was the step-dad, but shouldn't he have been there and more supportive for Sharon; the MOM?

TARA (Michigan) - A coupla "hmmmm"s today, one of which is the fact that all these rich folkses have gargantuan homes but still traipse in & out of the front door. I know these people have garages (such was the case when the outhouse was getting searched by Defective Weber & his drone). Sharon indicated the garage was through the kitchen, yet she & Nick always come in & outta the front door. Victor & Nikki use the front door. Jack, Phyllis and the other Abbott Mansion inhabitants use the front door. I have an attached garage and haven't used the front door in 3 years. If I were to walk through the front door after work one of these days, my husband would look at me like I had 3 heads!

The other ? this week was Nick stating Noah was staying with "Henry" for a few days due to the start of Daniel's trial. Then 2 days later, Nick went to retrieve Noah from "Harry's" house because there was no use in shielding Noah from the circus. The writers seriously dropped the ball on that one. We already knew Noah had a friend named Harry because, as Sharon showed Nick upon his return from California, Noah was photographed with Harry at the all-star game. (Which, at the time, I thought to myself, "people still name their kids Harry?"). Then the littlest Newman was staying at Henry's for a few days (again, I thought to myself "people still name their kids Henry?" -- and I even hit the rewind button just to be sure Nick actually said "Henry." I thought it was too much for Noah to have two friends named Henry and Harry). But Nick got the names confused...he dropped his kid off at Henry's but picked him up at Harry's. That was a big OOPS on the part of the Y&R writers.

And just to be clear, I really do love this show. I'm not a pessimist and I don't sit around LOOKING for things to make fun of on this soap -- they just make it too easy!

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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