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 Two Scoops: May 2, 2011 columns
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Yvonne Zima
The alternate universe of a crazed chick
by Nita
For the Week of May 2, 2011
Once again Jana has lost her way and wandered off into loony land. Of course, Jana has never been grounded too deeply in reality.
Once again Jana has lost her way and wandered off into loony land. Of course, Jana has never been grounded too deeply in reality, detouring frequently onto a path in her very own alternate universe whenever life became a bit too stressful. Lucky for her, she always managed to get herself diagnosed with some obscure medical anomaly that explained away her murderous machinations. Apparently it wasn't Jana, but her tumor that caused her to murder Carmen Mesta, and attempt to send Kevin and Colleen to their eternal resting place. Because of that tumor, she got off, without so much as a slap-reddened wrist, if you don't count the months she played a gushing Ethel to Phyllis' Lucy in lockup.


When Jana's snooping brought her too close to the truth of what Daisy and Ryder might be up to, she wound up caged like an animal in an abandoned zoo. Despite the horrific conditions, which also included being boxed up like a corpse in a coffin, Jana remained sane and rational right up to about five minutes after rescue, when she suddenly lost all feeling for every Genoa Citian she formerly loved. Once again, something had apparently gone awry in Jana's cobbled-together cranium. As if the newly Zombie-like Jana wasn't unbelievable enough, things became even more bizarre when Jana started feeling again -- but only for the man who'd kept her captive -- her husband's half-brother, Ryder. That moved things right into the realm of the utterly ridiculous and was the beginning of the end of fan fondness for Jana.


As most fans know by now, Jana's portrayer is slated to leave the Genoa City landscape soon, and her latest break from reality has me literally counting the days until she's done. Fruitcake-nutty Jana has left a wide path of destruction in her wake. Her snooping ripped away the concealing veil of secrecy surrounding Lucy, and loosed pit-bull, Phyllis, who I expect won't stop tearing at the tatters until little remains of the once happy Abbott clan.


Unfortunately, destroying the Abbots isn't the only legacy the kooky crackpot will leave the residents to remember her by. Although she's been prattling endlessly about the strength and depth of her love for Kevin, she's hitting him where he will feel the pain the most, right dead in the center of his claustrophobia. I adore Kevin, and continued to watch him through the stupidest of storylines -- the silver chipmunk -- but I could have done without another round of "keep Kevin in the closet." I don't even want to think about the offshoot of this storyline, which I unhappily suspect will be more mob-influenced madness. Scribes, I have to ask: must there be an erroneously accused storyline going on at all times? Suffice it to say, I really hope this one ends sooner rather than later.


There were, however, two tiny bright lights shining up from the muck of this Jana mishmash. Gloria and Michael. Although she clearly wasn't June Cleaver when young Kevin was being physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by Tom the most terrible, her protective mother instincts have improved considerably, and I love watching the way she comes to Kevin's defense, snarling like a lioness over the injustice being dealt her cub. Michael, almost always a complete pleasure to watch, does big brother so well, he's often brought me to tears, and I'm looking forward to watching him come to his little brother's rescue. I just hope he has time, considering all the other urgent matters placed on his plate by Victor and Phyllis.


Sigh! Fans knew this day was coming the second Victoria took Lucy in her arms after Billy assured her Lucy was theirs forever. And, unfortunately, I think it's going to be every bit as heartbreaking as we all thought it would. Complicating matters and deepening the pain will, of course, be Phyllis. As always, when it comes to any situation Phyllis forces herself into, she makes it all about her, and anyone else's wishes are, plain and simply, unimportant. And since she can be so nasty in her obsessive quest to get what she wants, no matter the cost in pain to anyone else, I'm already dreading more of her loudmouth pushiness.


No matter to Granny that Daniel is trying to think beyond himself to what is best for his little girl. Smart man to realize he's not ready to be a single dad, or even a dad in tandem with a mommy substitute. He can see his child is happy and well-cared-for, and would like to leave it exactly that way, but to Phyllis, Lucy is a possession she's determined to add to the family collection. Phyllis always has to have something to obsess over, and with Sharon dead and Adam sans Sharon rendered uninteresting, it's on to the next obsession. Which is Lucy.


Billy and Victoria might as well give up and hand Lucy over now, because Phyllis won't stop until she gets what she wants. Unfortunately, Lucy's departure will probably be the catalyst that derails the Abbott marriage. Victoria will be inconsolable, and since people in this town are so quick to blame others, she isn't likely to forgive Billy for putting her in the path of all that pain. Victor, of course, will be thrilled at the possible end of the marriage and will probably be the first in line to kick Billy right out of the family. I still like Billy and Victoria together, so my hope is that in the midst of all this turmoil, Victoria discovers she's carrying a child no one can snatch away. And no, I haven't forgotten her doctor claimed conception was supposedly impossible, because this is Genoa City, where medical miracles are an almost common occurrence.


Okay, meandering off the path for a moment, did any other fan cackle crazily at Victoria's comment to Phyllis about pushing Lucy off on a nanny at the first whiff of a story that will provide fun-making fodder for the readers of Restless Style? Uhh, skillet, meet pot. Because isn't hiring a nanny she really didn't need, considering she hasn't worked in months, the thing that got Victoria into this mess in the first place?


But, back to the story. I know Lucy is Phyllis' granddaughter, and I honestly can't fault her for wanting Lucy to be a part of their lives, but does she have to be so nasty about it? I, too, am a little weary of Lauren's instant caterwauling at the mere mention of Daisy, but Phyllis is supposed to be her friend. Couldn't she at least have tried to eke out a little understanding of Lauren's fears? Especially since she did such a poor job of handling pregnant Daisy the first time around. Although they don't know it, Ryder has already been snooping around, trying to pinpoint Lucy's whereabouts. There's no way we've seen the last of Daisy. Lauren can probably relax, though. If Daisy returns, she'll likely be aiming all her poisonous darts at Phyllis and Daniel, not Lauren.


It appears the third time is not always the charm when it comes to Jack and his now-over romance with Phyllis. First, she snuck behind Jack's back and did Damon Porter. She finds her way back to Jack, then cheats on him with Nick. But Jack, who never, ever, learns from his past mistakes, threw his hat in the ring a third time, only to get slapped in the face once more with her infidelity with Nick. I used to think these two were soap opera gold, but as happens so often in the soap world, pulling a couple apart and then trying to put them back together months or years later often results in them being as impossible to repair as was Humpty Dumpty. Such was the case with Jack and Phyllis. I don't doubt that Jack is just as crazy for his Red as he's always been. But clearly, for Phyllis, the thrill seems to have gone.


That said, their breakup was well done. Jack was hurt, but brave, as he always is with Phyllis. For her part, Phyllis was subdued and seemed genuinely saddened at causing Jack pain yet again. Unfortunately, we've been there, heard that stutter, and watched those eyes tear up before. So while I appreciated their poignant performances and the fact that neither chewed the scenery apart, it just felt like déjà vu and I was left pretty much unmoved. Jack had to be gotten out of the way so Phyllis could resume her frenzied sexing with Nick without being painted with the bimbo brush.


I confess I was disappointed by Phyllis and Nick's recent romp. I was hoping hard for a complicated, secretive relationship between Diane and Nick, but I should have known better. That would be new and fresh and maybe even intriguing to see how Nick handled dealing his father such a traitorous hand, but alas, it doesn't appear to be in the cards. Instead, we'll probably get stuck with more of Nick and Phyllis' video game foreplay followed by bruise-creating sex. Ugh!


Speaking of disappointment, I'm feeling precious little when it comes to Sharon's death. I really wish the scribes would have written this one a little different. First of all, this bit with Sharon and her little lamb is leaving me completely cold. Then there is farmer/vet Sam. Sharon is one of the world-famous Newmans. So, presumably, her story would have made most major newspapers and been plastered all over the Internet as well. Not only that, she can't have traveled far from the scene of the accident, which seems to have happened almost in Sam's back yard. Yet, I'm supposed to buy that Sam is so busy with farm matters he doesn't have time to read the news or peruse the Internet and, if he did, he didn't recognize Sharon although all she did was change her hair color. But perhaps Sam is just pretending not to know who she is and is waiting for her to feel comfortable enough to tell him her story.


I know amnesia is an oft-used soap staple, but I'd rather Sharon had temporarily forgotten who she was than to have her hiding out at Sam's farm, knowing her family is mourning her death. I know she believes prison is all that awaits her if she returns to life, but staying away makes it harder to feel much sympathy for her plight or to buy the great love she claims to have for her children.


It was also hard to feel much at the memorial. First of all, many of the people in attendance didn't give a hot hoot for Sharon. Phyllis, Nikki, Victoria, just to name the obvious few, despise her, and I presume were there more out of obligation and support for the survivors than because they had any caring for Sharon. Watching Adam take on his family members, though, was well worth the price of admission. Even though I'm sure none were much affected by Adam's attacks on them for the way they all turned on Sharon, it was still entertaining hearing him call them on their treatment. I just wish he hadn't spared Sharon's cold and self-righteous mother. But even though there was plenty of blame to be shared among the living, the fact is, it was Sharon's own choices that led to her alleged demise.


Well, May has arrived and with it plenty for fans to entertain themselves with. Although it means listening to Phyllis, Phyllis, and more Phyllis, I am interested in the outcome of the battle for baby Lucy. I'm also looking forward to Kevin coming out of the closet none the worse for wear. After so many confinements by cruel criminals, perhaps he will come out of this one, cured of his claustrophobia. I'm not looking forward to the mob part of this storyline, although before it is over, it will hopefully tie up the loose ends left dangling on the Heather kidnapping. And lastly, what is the story with Cane, and what light will his mother shine on the situation? Will her arrival upset the happy apple cart that is Jill's marriage to Colin? Lots of questions on this one, and I can't wait to hear the answers.


See you in two weeks. Until my return, I hope you enjoy a few comments from your fellow fans.


* * * * * * *
  • I am hating the storyline about Sharon, so sick of watching her be so stupid. I liked her and Adam together but escaping was not a good idea. Am loving the "old" Noah. Don't know what to think of Cane. Don't see how they can explain it any other way except he faked his death. If they clone him, I'm finished with Y&R forever. Love Sophia, don't love the pregnancy storyline because we could all see that one coming! I pray that Billy & Victoria survive the mess he's made, love them together. I wish the writers would get some real story lines going here before Y&R goes the way of some of the other soaps. - Jeannie

  • I am tired of the Jana troublemaker storyline. It has been dragging on for too long. I hate the idea that the little baby might be ripped out of Victoria's life because of a scamming Jana. The thought of the baby being taken from Victoria because of Jana's deceitfulness makes me very sad, and that whole story is getting very boring. End it already with her leaving town for good, and I will continue to be a faithful fan, otherwise I am going to stop watching your show. I am sure you could build some good story lines involving Sharon, and Lily, that would be fresh, intriguing, interesting, and entertaining. - Linda

  • This Cane doesn't seem like the Cane we knew. So I'm thinking Blake didn't die and had plastic surgery to look like Cane (I know that sounds nuts but it's a soap and anything is possible.) if it's Blake, that's how he knows about Samantha. I just don't think it's the real Cane. And Colin will have something to do with it because Y&R hired this well-known soap actor and they have been showing him to be a sweetie with Jill but the backstory they created made him sound cold hearted, so I think they're going to do something with him to match the backstory they created. - Sandi



    Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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