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 Two Scoops: April 21, 2008 columns
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Galen Gering
A bun in the oven
by Ekek
For the Week of April 21, 2008
What is Pretty up to? Why is she insisting on an abortion for a fictional baby? Maybe she is trying to lure Luis to her and force him to make promises in order to keep his unborn child alive. He had better hurry, or the fictional baby will be history!


Pretty has a bun in the oven, or not. It is more like a few hundred in the nurse's pocket. But the diagnosis stands. Pretty is officially pregnant. Luckily she had the ER make that announcement. I'm not certain that even Luis would fall for the pregnant five-pounds of sugar again. But what is Pretty up to? Why is she insisting on an abortion (for a fictional baby?) My best guess is that she is trying to lure Luis to her and force him to make promises in order to keep his unborn child alive. He had better hurry or the fictional baby is history. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think Pretty may be the real Crane heir. She's as ruthless as any of them but she's also got the common sense that Sheridan and Beth lacked. She's plotting out a good plan and luring Luis into it.

Fancy is acting out too much. Has she forgotten that Luis is watching her? Has she forgotten that Pretty's baby would be her niece or nephew? The poor fictional child is hated by his aunt and that cannot be attractive to Luis.

Sheridan is playing it smart. She's not angry about her niece's pregnancy, she's in control of herself, and she's playing nice guy to the hilt. All done for Luis' benefit of course.


The Assassination of Little Julian

Eve and Vincent were in rare form this week and I thought I'd break a rib laughing. Vincent reminded his mommy to keep up her malpractice insurance. Eve had been called to the hospital to perform the surgery to reattach Little Julian to Big Julian after his incident with a Lorena Bobbitt type assassin with a knife. But Vincent drugged her coffee and convinced to her make a few alterations. This week the unveiling was sensational. Eve looked under the sheet and Little Julian is upside down and 6 inches shorter. Rebecca has seen more to brag about at a Bris. It seems that the infamous womanizer called Little Julian did not survive the surgery after all. He is a mere remnant of his former self. These two actors played their parts to the hilt and it was a joy to watch such a performance.


To Elf or Not to Elf, that is the Question

Kay's demon elf has lunched out into Harmony society to see what havoc he can wreak. Thank badness he's leaving Tabitha alone for the time being. I'd hate to see earthquakes in Harmony again. This week the elf has set his sights on destroying Noah and Paloma's happiness, not that Paloma needs much help with that. She lives to berate Noah for the slightest disappointment. The demon elf gave her plenty to complain about. He morphed into a hot babe and planted a kiss on Noah while he was working his bartender gig. Poor little elf had forgotten how hard it is for women to walk in heels with an ample chest pulling them forward.

It seemed pretty clear to me who was kissing whom but not to Paloma. Now she wants "space" from Noah to think about their engagement. So who does she confide in but her ex-boyfriend Roberto. I guess what the goose does is not good for the gander after all. Paloma must be the most naïve woman since Charity not to know Roberto wants her back and he is willing to stoop to Crane female level to do it. (Maybe Pretty should open a school for disgruntled lovers.)

Luckily Paloma's mother Pilar gave some good advice. The heart knows what it wants and she'll hear if she listens. I was glad to see the Pilar of yesteryear dispensing practical advice to one of her children and playing that role is actually what Pilar does best.


Gwennie, Gwennie, Gwennie what are you up to?

First, let me say that I believe a good boarding school is a wonderful thing. We should all be so lucky. Children get the absolute best of education, sports, and cultural enrichment. It is an environment that is usually only available to the wealthy and the well connected.

There is however fan uproar because Gwen is trying to send Little Ethan to a boarding school to get him out of her way. That in itself is pretty awful; genuine evil step-monster behavior. Worse yet, Rebecca got the mailman to dress in an expensive suit and come to the house posing as a childcare expert. He presented Ethan with documentation proving that it would benefit Little Ethan greatly to be sent to one. Then Rebecca paid him with an all night visit to her rooms. If this whole thing wasn't so bizarre it would be funny.

Certainly it is customary for children of Little Ethan's class to attend a boarding school. Ethan and his sisters did, Gwen did and all of their society friends did. The fact that Ethan needed convincing is odd, given his background. But the way it was done and the reasons behind it are so hideous that I don't know what to say. If Ethan doesn't come to his senses I fear that Little Ethan will be removed from the family unit any time that Gwen can conjure up a reason. Ostracizing a child is beyond vicious and despicable.

I have very little to say about Theresa this week. Suffice it to say, posing as the family nanny she is expected to provide the child care in that family. This week she left Little Ethan alone to watch an infant and a toddler so she could go out to a nightclub. Enough said.

We are definitely winding down to the last four months of Passions. Shooting has ceased, actors were released and the props have been sold off. I'm expecting the G/E/T triangle to reach new levels of misery. If I may be so bold as to offer my thoughts and predictions on an outcome, I do not expect Ethan to end up with Theresa. Besides the point that this writer doesn't do happy endings, it is too late. In fact, at this point, it is almost impossible. She is married to Alistair, he is married to Gwen, and secrets are still out there. Neither woman can win Ethan if those secrets are revealed so I predict they won't be. Passions will be over and so will the triangle. In all honesty, after Gwen and Theresa's behavior, I do not believe they deserve to be with Ethan. They've both trampled over too many people and too many children for it to be right.

At any rate, fans are enjoying their own private hopes for the story's ending and I actually wish that some of them will get their dream come true. Give us one happy couple JER, just one. Please with sugar on top?

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