I bet even Hallmark doesn't have a card for that
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AMC Two Scoops: I bet even Hallmark doesn't have a card for that
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The week of October 19, 2009
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Okay, so I have a confession to make. I've never been arrested, though it's not necessarily for a lack of trying! So everything I am about to say is based off of conjecture, nine years of watching Murder, She Wrote, and an overactive imagination. Now that I've issued that disclaimer, let's get on with the column.

Okay, so I have a confession to make. I've never been arrested, though it's not necessarily for a lack of trying! So everything I am about to say is based off of conjecture, nine years of watching Murder, She Wrote, and an overactive imagination. Now that I've issued that disclaimer, let's get on with the column.

I don't know about you, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this Kendall double storyline isn't really possible in the real world. Yes, I know. You're probably saying, "Dan, you're crazy!" Well, hear me out. I would think that someone, somewhere, would recognize that Kendall isn't really Kendall. Yes, the doppelganger looks kinda of like Kendall, but there's definitely a difference. Second, I would assume that an accused murderess would have a gaggle of police officers escorting her everywhere shes goes. So I am at a loss at how to explain how Kendall can always be swapped out willy-nilly.

So Kendall is on the lam... again. Despite her many experiences with fleeing, she hasn't gotten very good at it. She did, however, find time to scrawl a note to Zach to let him know that she apologizes for having to leave him and the kids behind.

Does Hallmark make a "Honey, I'm fleeing from the cops, but I will always love you" card? Can you think of any other soap-themed cards that would sell out in Pine Valley? Send me some email because I'd love to hear your ideas!

I find it inexcusable for Jesse to miss Natalia's graduation ceremony. Is there any doubt that the only reason Natalia wanted to be a cop in the first place was so that she could be more like her father? I have to wonder if Jesse would have missed the ceremony if Frankie were the one graduating from the police academy. To me, it looks like Natalia is playing second fiddle in the Hubbard kid band. She may be an afterthought, but she's certainly good with the pistol. Her first discharge after receiving her badge hit its mark. Aidan survived, so at least we know the character isn't being killed off just yet. I am guessing Aidan will be caught by the cops and sent off to jail... or something. What he needs to do is to flee to Port Charles, New York. There he can meet up with Anna Devane and fit right in with General Hospital's mob and adventure storylines.

The stables at Wildwind sure have seen a lot of action over the years. Edmund and Maria had one of their first trysts there. Of course, Edmund was also later killed there. I also have fond memories of Dimitri taking Bianca riding. Apparently Jake and Amanda know that the stables are a good place for the sneaky freaky. Too bad Kendall and Aidan decided to use the stables as their hideout spot. It was nice that AMC paid homage to Edmund's death-by-shovel by having Amanda bonk David with a shovel. I wonder if it was the same one. Wouldn't that be special? That plot twist would pay off in, um, spades.

If Wildwind had been in mothballs for so long, why are there still horses in the stable? Does David go riding? I don't picture him as an equestrian, but I also never thought he'd be a skilled pianist. The horses sure were making their presence known. They were whinnying and making noises like crazy. Maybe that was just for our benefit so that we'd know where the fugitives were hiding. Or maybe Kendall and Aidan will take off on two of the Marick steeds.

I chuckled to myself because baby Stuart looked absolutely mortified by the noisy, clicky giraffe toy that Bailey and Liza were wagging in his face. The relationship between these two women is fascinating to me. I can't figure out if Liza really wants to help Bailey become a better mother or if she is hoping that Bailey will short-circuit and run fast and far away from the baby.

Over coffee, Erica and Annie debated the merits of their parenting skills. I found it interesting that Erica trumpeted the way that she's "learned" from her mistakes as a mom. Really? Has nothing in her past taught her that fooling around with her daughter's ex-lover is not a good idea? I have to be honest and say that I am not as grossed out by the Erica and Ryan romance as so many of you seem to be. I've gotten emails from readers who say that they "vomit profusely" every time Erica and Ryan are on the screen together. I don't get that strong a reaction -- maybe because I don't take things that happen on the show so personally. I'm not necessarily thrilled by the pairing, but in the grand scheme of all the things that are wrong on the show at the moment, I am willing to accept it.

Am I the only one that cringed when Erica made a point of mentioning how hot their coffee was? For just a moment I envisioned Annie throwing the scalding hot liquid in Erica's face, thereby forcing us to endure another mask-wearing stint for La Kane. Instead, we got a mildly amusing line from Erica. "You think this coffee is hot? Just wait until you get a taste of hell!" Erica growled.

I do have to say, though, that I love that little hellcat (hell kitten?), Emma. I love a sneaky kid. When she mumbled under her breath, asking Annie if it was safe for her to open her eyes, I hooted and hollered. If ever there was a case for the rapid aging of a child, this is it. Have Emma go off to juvie for a few years for killing Stuart -- and then she can come back next year as a teenager bent on revenge. She can knock off all the unnecessary characters in one path of murderous devastation. But I'm not writing the show.

Which brings me to a quick review of last week's column, a column that generated a lot of feedback. I'd like to thank everyone who wrote in. Please know that I really love reading from all of you. I may not get a chance to reply to everyone, but that doesn't mean that I do not read your messages.

It seems the vast majority of you want Charles Pratt, Jr., removed as head writer of All My Children. From what I read, AMC viewers do not like the way characters have undergone personality and character changes that are out of line with what viewers know of those characters. Another complaint was the drawn-out "Who Killed Stuart?" storyline. Well, that will soon be over -- this week, in fact.

Quite a few of you have said that you had high expectations for Pratt. I count myself as one of those people. I think Pratt came in on a high note. There was a lot of really good material near the start of his run. Now? The show is almost as annoying to me now as it was when Greg Madden was buried in that damned box. I want to think that the show is in a holding pattern because of the upcoming move. Once everything gets settled, I expect the show to make a dramatic turn for the better.

I am not ready to give anyone their walking papers. What I will do, however, is to suggest that ABC hire Pratt a partner in crime. You know, a co-head writer that can help keep things in order. While Pratt is forging storyline ideas, the co-head writer can research history, speak up when characters aren't being written in character, and also offer ideas that might come from a fresh perspective.


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