--BJ Green is weird. There. I said it. I'm not sure what bothers me more, his weird obsession with "K-K-K-Katie" or his chocolate-milk fetish. I don't care if he's a billionaire technology genius, the guy is creepy. Never trust a man who always smiles when he talks. And how exactly does someone with a former obesity problem pound back high-calorie dairy drinks and maintain his svelte physique? It's odd, no? Sure, I sympathize that he was once an unpopular high school geek, but I'm not totally buying this transformation. BJ makes me nervous, with all his gift giving and Katie accolades. It's stressing me out. Seriously. Someone pass the Yoo-hoo.
--I can't help but feel a little sorry for Keith. The guy disappears in a foreign country, and no one even cares enough to look for him. I guess that's what happens to people who smuggle human organs or date the female half of the town's supercouple.
--What do we have to do to keep Cass Winthrop in Oakdale? Even if half the town has to get sent to the hoosegow to keep this lawyer in town and working, it would be worth it. His banter with Iris, and anyone else he crosses, is sizzling. Whether he's going toe-to-toe with Carly or sneering at his clients, Cass is a keeper. He makes what would be just mundane scenes, spectacular. He's so good, it's as if he's from another world. Get it, "Another World?" I know. Don't quit my day job.
--Not to nitpick, but well, OK, I'm nitpicking. But, Oakdale's airport is the least busy place I've ever seen, to have direct flights to major cities all over the world. There's never a line at the counter or gate.
--Lily and Holden may be back on track to marital bliss. Their fling in Mexico certainly indicates they aren't finished. That's not good news for Keith. He has no ties to Oakdale, other than the nephew he once obsessed over, but now never mentions or visits. Without Lily, what is there for this guy to do?
--Put away the straightening irons, ladies, curls are cool again. Emily shocked me with her curly hair. She's worn it straight for so long, as had Jennifer before her bout with crystal meth. Does the new look mean Emily is on the juice, too? Nope. I don't think so. These fashionable ladies are just following the trend. Curls are the new black.
--So, Craig really is the father of Jennifer's baby? Wow. I so didn't see that coming. I was certain Mike would be the daddy, further complicating the love story with Katie. Don't get me wrong; I'm not upset at this latest paternity development. The way I see it, the more ties Craig Montgomery has to Oakdale, the better the odds he will return home someday. Let's face it: Oakdale without Hunt Block's Craig, is like cake without icing.
--Do you think Luke learned his lesson about getting drunk and disorderly? I would think that ending up in Mexico and almost getting himself and his parents killed would have taught him something. Regardless, Lily and Holden should ground him until he's 30. Or at least force him to watch Katie's butt-busting aerobic video once a day for punishment.
--I love it when we get more naughty bits about Henry's past. Add this to Mr. Coleman's profile: He was a track star who earned a scholarship to the Ivy League and then got the boot. Hmmm. I wonder what he did to get sacked from Harvard? Paging "ATWT" writers. This could be a fantastic future story for the beloved Henry, involving a college sweetheart from his past and some shameful secret. There's a reason Henry's self-flagellation is a daily trip to the martini bar. Oh, the possibilities.
--I loved Henry's comments about finding a girl who thinks he's "the bee's knees." Um, raising hand here. Is there anything sexier than Henry in protective mode? If BJ thinks he can con a conman, he'd better think again. We all know that Henry is taking that job only to look out for Katie and to get a place for Maddie to stay. I'd say that at least warrants him a chaperoned visit with Snickers. Wouldn't you?
--The writing is on the wall for young Maddie and Casey. They bicker constantly, yet can't seem to stay out of one another's business. Yep. It's inevitable: They're the next teen pairing in Oakdale. Maddie might actually make Casey tolerable for me. Maybe. Casey is a spoiled Lothario. Maddie just may be the gal to take him down a notch.
--Add this to the "As The World Turns" drinking game: Take a drink every time Gwen says "my kid." It won't be long before you'll be feeling no pain.
--I know I've been hard on Casey. That said, I think he is probably the most realistic teen on television. I couldn't help but laugh when he cussed at his father this week with a "Hell, no!" denying he had feelings for Maddie, before remember he was speaking to his father and correcting himself with the proper "no." That's a typical teenager. Nicely done.
--Is it really true that when babies cut teeth, they get a rash? I had no idea. I was sure Rory was going to be diagnosed with some rare blood disorder and need a blood transfusion from a biological parent, thus revealing the whole baby-switch scheme. Yeah. I've apparently been watching way too much daytime television.
--Jack is playing fast and loose with his police ethics. He's destroying records, coercing witnesses and lying to his superiors. Who does he think he is, Craig Montgomery?
--When Sierra returned to Oakdale, I had high hopes she would have something to do. Since then, her daughter left town. Her potential love interest, Craig, was sent to the Big House. And she's barely had a scene with her mother, who is battling breast cancer. I'm guessing Sierra's lack of air time is due to the fact that there are just too many characters on this show and not enough time or space to showcase them all. That said, Mary Beth Evans is too great a talent to be wasted on the back burner. She needs to meet Keith, pronto.
--What's this, a storyline about a teen couple on the run and it's not even summer? It's crazy, Scoopers. Especially, considering that the couple, Will and Gwen, is the best thing to happen to the teen scene in the last five years. What's next, a supercouple wedding when it's not ratings sweeps?
--Does anyone else think it peculiar that Jennifer harbors no hard feelings toward Emily? After all, Emily left Jen's father for her brother. Wait. That actually made sense. Yeah, I've definitely been watching too much daytime television.
--Many of you have written me with the theory that BJ Green is actually the baby that Carly supposedly killed. Others believe that baby is actually Gwen. Both are good theories. I'm hoping for the latter.
Best Lines of the Week:
(Henry tells billionaire BJ that he should have revealed his past to Katie.)
BJ: "I don't see what the big deal is. I just made a little money."
Henry: "Yeah. And Donald just owns a little real estate."
Due to a computer glitch, I'm sorry to say I lost all of your e-mails from the past two weeks. So, unfortunately, I have nothing to spotlight this week. I'll make it up to you in the next column. I promise. Send me your rants, thoughts and theories, and you may just see them here at "Two Scoops."
That's all for now Scoopers! See ya next time.