"Marriage is at the heart of civilization. That bond of loyalty, commitment, is paramount. Empires have fallen without it. I want you to remember that the next time you're looking at your brother and his wife. I will have zero tolerance. That's how much marriage means to me." -- Bill Spencer, the liar with a new lair.
Married with Children's Al Bundy thought he had it bad being a shoe salesman and dealing with Peggy and the gang, but he's got nothing on the poor oppressed dressmakers and paper boys of Beverly Hills. They have to endure demanding spouses and relatives and make monumental sacrifices in the name of love and family. In the above quote, Bill Spencer told Liam that empires have fallen without marriage and bonds of loyalty and commitment. Bill neglected to tell Liam that empires can also hinge upon earrings found in secret boudoirs that used to be jock-itch infested gym rooms.
When Brooke entered the room that had once been Bill's private gym, located behind a door beside Bill's desk, she surveyed the romantic scene with a distinct frown on her face, likely caused by the musky Funk de Bill still wafting from the walls. Bill probably thought it was the most practical thing in the world to turn his gym space into a love lair. He can still tell Katie he's staying at his gym, and he can still get a good workout on top of the "love of his life" workout machine, Brooke.
Bill pulled out all the stops to woo Brooke. A darkened setting, flowers, and candles. What woman wouldn't swoon at the portrait of the black stallion on the opposite wall from the bed? Sexy, sexy, Bill...how could Brooke ever refuse such a sweaty-walled haven?
Bill practically quoted the song "Up Where We Belong" in his plea to conquer Brooke. He said, "We don't know what tomorrow will bring. All we have is us, right here. This is where we belong. This is how we want to feel." Okay, the writers were wrong for that, but hey, Bill forgot the romantic tune player. It was a good try, but not good enough to pop the Brooke's Bedroom bra off Brooke. Bill grabbed the strap, but Brooke couldn't do it to Katie and shifted into spooning mode.
Bill threatened to leave Katie if Brooke didn't do it his way. He was worn down from Katie's tantrums and insecurities, but he'd do what "Brooke wants" and stay with Katie -- if he could also have Brooke. That's one slick move to get the mistress to have sex with him to keep him in his marriage!
The dangling detail in my mind is how we went from Brooke, Bill, and Katie in the kitchen to a gym turned love lair so quickly? Did I pass out from repetitive dialogue syndrome and miss a few days? The previous Friday, Bill was threatening to out himself and Brooke to Katie and then follow Brooke home. The following Monday, Bill was alone in the kitchen, chowing down until Liam called about the burglary.
We're supposed to fill in the blanks and conclude that Bill chickened out, let Brooke go home, and sat down for some grub while Katie went to bed? At least Katie got to change out of that red dress she'd worn since June first. Bill, on the other hand, was stuck in that navy blue button-up shirt until about the fourteenth. It wasn't the longest day in B&B history. That still goes to the time that Ridge went missing in Abu Dhabi, and the cast wore the same clothes for a month.
Maybe a day or two has passed by now. If not, it means that, like a serial killer constructs his murder room, the serial cheater has been constructing his cheating room since long before his marriage hit the truth iceberg. Maybe he got the idea from Quinn's cabin hideaway?
Alison apparently knows something about it. She looked guiltier than a Reverend Rydale in a confessional when Liam questioned her about why Bill couldn't be disturbed. There's no love lost between Alison and Katie, and Alison can soon savor the moment when Katie gets what she deserves for hating on Bill's "work wife." Or...could Bill have made the love lair a long time ago for him and Alison, and now Alison's pissed that her key no longer fits in the lock. I mean, who knows? After we saw Bill buttering up "his girl Emmie," anything is possible with him.
Where to start in on Bill Spencer and his hypocritical empire? Maybe I should begin with Bill using marriage to weasel Ridge's secret out of Katie and then betraying her confidence. Bill then accused Ridge of manipulating Caroline and Thomas, decided that one can't kept secrets, but then manipulated Brooke into keeping the secret that he can't live without her and wants to shag in his office.
Bill has the nerve to blackmail Liam with Spencer family excommunication to make him comply with Bill's order to respect the marriage of Liam's brother to the love of Liam's life (this triangle cycle). Meanwhile, Bill blackmails Brooke, saying that if she doesn't let him cheat on her sister with her, then he's just going to have to divorce her sister and ruin his family to be with her.
The boob-press hug Brooke gave Bill when she was crying over Rick the other day had to be potent. His brain headed south of his equator and swelled behind his zipper. It's not surprising. He started in with Brooke's boobs years ago with that wet-shirt fantasy about Brooke at Il Gardino.
It's not all on Brooke's boobs. Katie does play a role in it. If one obsesses about something long enough, it will happen. Katie's obsessive insecurities pushed Bill away -- but and however -- he did not have to give in to yearnings for Brooke. Brooke is actually proof that he didn't. She might have barged into Bill's house at will and hidden under the bed, but up to now, she's adamantly refused more than a little huggy-wuggy here and kissy-wissy there. Why can't the one who's actually married do the same?
Bill talked a big game about family, loyalty, and commitment in front of Wyatt, Steffy, and Katie. I tasted bile in my mouth when Katie wound herself around Bill to "take advantage" with a kiss before the family meeting. Bill is lower than amebas on fleas on rats to think he can cheat on his wife with her sister but Steffy can't cheat on her husband with her husband's brother.
Wouldn't it be easier for Bill to install an "occupied" switch on the love lair's door for whenever Liam and Steffy need to use it? It would be much more honest than telling Liam to respect a month-stale marriage that transpired through manipulated circumstances while Bill orders Brooke to disrespect her sister's marriage, a remarriage Bill voluntarily undertook after telling Brooke he was done with her.
Out of nowhere, Bill produced Liam's sword necklace during the meeting, and in a ceremony reminiscent of my sorority days, he looped it around Liam's neck as a symbol of the solidarity and loyalty of the Spencer men. In Bill's view, Liam and Wyatt had a brotherhood that nothing can get between. And Brooke and Katie's sisterhood? Is it the "let's do lunch" and "thanks for babysitting Will" breakable sisterhood?
The sword necklaces are about as meaningful as the heartless Tin Man who doled them out. It looked more like Bill was clamping Liam's dog collar back on instead of returning a family gift and tradition. The biggest hypocrisy of the jewelry lies in the fact that they were designed by a woman who the family loathes. They were remade by Liam and Wyatt's former lover, who Steffy practically ran out of town.
At least Steffy didn't whip out her diamond sword, the one she earned by being Bill's emotional mistress. In fact, the only person in the family meeting without a sword necklace was Katie. Steffy must have silently reveled in it as Katie talked about how her marriage had endured. Not without a few Steffy claw swipes, it hadn't.
Steffy doesn't need a diamond sword. She's got her fragile shell of a past with Liam. Liam gave her a seashell, and like a snake-oil salesman, he convinced her that it was better than her wedding band. He said she could have a permanent tattoo removed or could just put another ring over it. Yeah, that's a permanent solution to a lifelong contract. He explained that the spiral shell would remind her of how far he'd go to get back to her. I wouldn't be surprised if the shell crackled to dust at the bottom of her purse by next week. That would be an accurate reminder of how their relationship usually winds up.
There Steffy was, secretly showing Liam that she had the shell as she left him to talk to Bill earlier in the week. She gave Liam the same secretive look at the family meeting when Bill ordered Liam to respect Wyatt's marriage. Liam and Steffy left the meeting at the same time, and it should have been obvious to everyone that they'd wind up alone in Liam's office. There, Steffy admitted that she loved Liam, but "you heard what your father said," she stated, as if she ever accepted that fathers know best.
What happened to Steffy's tongue and its ability to turn sounds into words that convey what she actually wants? She has no issue whatsoever jumping all big and bad with the apron-wearing, lunch-making mother-in-law, but Bu's got her tongue when it comes to her owning up to her feelings and settling the matter once and for all.
The reason Bill called the family meeting was because he'd caught Steffy and Liam hugging when he'd gone to tell Liam that Reverend Rydale was legitimate and had properly filed the marriage license. Much to Liam's dismay, he learned that Rydale was a cat-burglaring reverend, but a reverend nonetheless. Bill sent Steffy home to her hubby and started in on Liam about his inappropriateness with Steffy.
Liam asked why Bill suddenly wasn't a proponent if Steam. Bill told Liam to stop being Quinn's victim. "Excuse me?"Liam replied. I'm with Liam. It was a little much for Bill to tell Liam to suck it up, but at the same time, I am tired of Liam whining about how Quinn derailed his and Steffy's Rainbow Connection. He is so certain that he and Steffy could have gotten past "whatever issue" she said they were having. The problem is -- Steffy doesn't know the issue herself because Liam conveniently can't remember seeing her lying in his bed with Wyatt.
Bill actually said Quinn had been right about Steffy and Wyatt and hadn't forced Steffy into the marriage. When in the world will Liam figure that one out? Bill told Liam that it never worked out for him and Steffy. Liam felt that Bill was acting like it had just been a few dates; however, Liam and Steffy had been married several times and had almost had a child. "And it never worked out!" Bill bellowed again. On this fact, Bill can't be disputed. He ordered Liam to let it go, and he warned Liam not to be caught embracing his brother's wife again. Bill wasn't having any hangdog, longing looks, either.
Liam didn't appreciate being treated like a groundable teenager, and Bill said it matched Liam's behavior. Bill agreed that he couldn't ground his son, but Bill could toss Liam's ass out of the company and exile him from the family if Liam didn't comply. Does Liam get to exile Bill and toss him out of the family if Liam solves the earring mystery? After all, Bill said that if he had to sacrifice one for the benefit of all, then so be it. Maybe the sacrificial lamb in Bill's case is Katie.
Bill claimed that he couldn't let his sons war over Steffy because it would destroy them and the family. What does Bill think will happen to Brooke and Katie and their family to be torn over him? Bill either makes no sense, or he doesn't love Brooke or Katie. Maybe it's both. Either way, Liam vehemently defended his relationship because Steffy wanted to be with Liam "more" and loved Liam "more than" Wyatt. Liam, please listen to yourself and how absurd you sound. The "more" should actually be "only," and the "more than" phrase should be "not."
Maybe the editor in Liam edited himself as suggested -- or maybe Bill dipped the sword necklace in mind-controlling juice. Whatever it was, Liam accepted Bill's loyalty and commitment rhetoric, and he wants to be just like dad. Thomas said the same thing to Ridge -- until Thomas learned about Douglas' paternity. Will Liam change his mind about his father, too, now that he's discovered the love lair?
Before Liam's last talk with Bill on Friday, the ditzy Brooke left the love lair's door cracked when she exited. After the men talked, Bill went home to his wife, and Liam wandered into the secret bedroom and discovered an earring on the bed. The episode ended with him staring at it, his mind churning.
Did this earring give Liam a clue about Bill's secret life? Has Liam figured out that his father is the worst hypocrite on the planet? Will Liam feel as manipulated and robbed by Bill as he does by Quinn? Or will Liam simply hand the earring over to the cleaning crew and forget it just like he forgot Ridge's vasectomy secret? As clueless as Liam is these days, Bill can probably get away with telling Liam that it's Bill's earring, and the room is where Bill can freely explore his secret cross-dressing inner self.
Here's what some of our Soap Central board members had to say about the fiasco this week:
• Bill couldn't even give a straight, convincing face when he said to Liam, "I'm telling you what is supposed to be said and what you need to hear." As if that comment is supposed to give him a pass on putting a sex bed in his office for his sister's wife. He is more than a complete hypocrite, he is a complete fool and jack azz, not a stallion. -- sspsoapBmiller refers to empress Steffy's hatred of Quinn that erupted again when Steffy found Quinn in the beach house, looking to make lunch and mend fences. Quinn let herself in using her own key, and Steffy was so livid, all she could muster was a stern, "Wyatt, do something about it!" With that, Wyatt dragged his mother to the door, letting Quinn know that it was Steffy's house, and Quinn had to go.
• You know when people tell other people to get a room? Bill took their advice! -- PassingThrough
• Bill is an absolute turd that needs to be flushed. lol. But Brooke is the reason Bill is doing this. She is just as responsible and just as guilty as he is. -- Safarah
• Steffy talking about integrity and choices?? Hypocrite: After at least a decade of lying to her dad and trying to force him to be with her mom...her obsession with going after others' men...her lies and trickery of Hope and Ivy...and she spouts off about integrity???? Allowing people to make their own choices? What a flaming hypocrite she is. -- Bmiller
No one could miss the dark look Quinn rendered Steffy as she peered through the window, watching Wyatt comfort Steffy. Quinn does not appreciate Steffy standing between Quinn and the two men that Quinn cares most about in this world. If you'll recall, Quinn was even willing to give up Wyatt for Liam, so to have Steffy keeping Liam on a swing -- and barring Quinn from her son's life? I think I hear the sound of pounding steel and blowtorches. Maybe another diamond sword is headed Steffy's way.
Another little empress passing out edicts in her shell of an empire is Nicole, whose love life steals center stage in an international photo shoot campaign. Per Brooke, Ridge is supposed to share decisions with Rick, but Rick was nowhere in sight when Ridge offered Sasha the lead model position in the new lingerie campaign -- with Zende as the lead photographer, of course. Nothing creates a good, original love triangle like a woman forced to watch her love work with her underwear-clad rival.
Nicole already saw that trick with Steffy and Liam and probably heard about it happening countless times with Brooke and Ridge. The intern whipped out her big "REJECT" stamp and slammed it down hard on Ridge's plan. Nicole trusts Zende, but not Sashaying Sasha, who Nicole is sure will take full advantage of Zende's Lidocained brain cells. Zende has to be a numb-brain to actually go to Ridge and decline the opportunity as Nicole commanded.
I've got to wonder what kind of an operation Forrester is running over there. Since when can an intern get a person hired, fired, and sent out of the country? And since when can an intern dictate what models and photographers go on which campaigns? Rick's worried about Ridge, but maybe his real competition for power around that place is Nicole.
In a checkmate move sure to win brownie points with Zende, Sasha gave up the modeling gig so that Zende could have the opportunity of his lifetime. It was a barf-worthy show of good will as Zende and Sasha tossed the job potato back and forth, each willing to give it up for the other's sake. Nicole's eyes flattened as she realized her plan had backfired, and she'd caused Zende and Sasha to endear themselves to each other -- again. Duh, Nicole! When have your job manipulations ever worked?
Zende won the hot potato job toss because, apparently for Forresters, these chances are a dime a dozen. He insisted that Sasha take this one because he was sure he'd get another opportunity. I wish Rick could see things so simply, but as of this week, Nicole said he's still threatening to move. Brooke must be too busy finally getting some attention to even remember to tell Rick that she blackmailed Ridge into giving Rick even more busy work. If I were Ridge, I'd put dealing with the Rydell High gang at the top of Rick's new honey-do list.
In other news, Thomas visited his sister to get her to open up about her feelings for the Spencer brothers. She asked how he was, and he revealed that things were tough at the mansion, and he'd been eating out. Eating out must mean walking across the courtyard to get to the mansion fridge. He didn't want to open up about what was wrong with him and seemed to play it off quite well when Steffy remarked that Douglas was lucky to have Thomas as a brother.
I don't know what Thomas' problem is. At the mansion, he can live rent-free while someone else burps his baby, and he can towel himself off anywhere he pleases at any time of night. This week, he chose to do it in the living room after a swim. Once again, Caroline was alone in a common area with nothing better to do than talk to Thomas about what an incredible being they'd made.
Thomas expressed to Caroline his concern that Steffy still had feelings for Liam. Caroline couldn't see Steffy turning her back on her marriage. Thomas believed that Steffy might have to if she loved Liam "more." That word "more" again...Wouldn't it stand to reason that as long as the word is involved, Steffy's life will be a ping-pong game that ends in Steffy moving to Milan to room with Hope?
Thomas wanted to say goodnight to Douglas, but Caroline threatened to kill Thomas if the baby awakened. Thomas was still enthralled with the idea that he and Caroline made Douglas, and he felt that if they could do that, they could do anything. Maybe I'm cynical because I'm over Thomas' baby phase, but I see no great accomplishment for Thomas and Caroline. Taking into account every species on the planet, I see procreation as a common accomplishment. I will, however, give credit to the drunken sperm and egg for finding each other in the drug-induced haze and the parents who sacrifice to rear their young.
In closing, here are a few tidbits that you found remarkable this week from our messages boards' "Shaking My Head" thread:
• SMH that one second Wyatt is worried Steffy might leave him, the next second he is saying Steffy would choose to marry him again. Dude, pick a lane. -- nykarenb
• SMH at Thomas not willing to confide in his sister but pumps her for her personal info. SMH that while Liam is working himself up into a celebratory state, Steffy has tears in her eyes. -- Mewriter
• SMH at Bill and his make out room. -- bogylove
• SMH at Nicole .... calling the shots at FC ... who does she think she is? ... Maya? -- Dorothy12102
• SMH that Bill is pulling out his shirt and belt, and Brooke asks: "What are you doing?" I know it's been a while, but surely she remembers. -- Katbert
Katbert, I guess that if Brooke doesn't remember, the horse painting across the room is there as a reminder -- along with the throw pillows that neigh when you lay on them.
What's in store for next week? According to the weekly promo, Bill escalates by showing up in Brooke's Bedroom. "Drop the robe," he orders. Is this the stuff romance novel covers are made of, or will Rick's knocking spoil all the bed rocking? Yeah, betcha Brooke wishes Rick would move now, huh? Wonder why they aren't in the funky love lair? Until we dish again, remember this tip: antifungal spray will make your secret gym sex lair smell bold and beautiful, baby!
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