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 Two Scoops: January 28, 2008 columns
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Juliet Mills
Go, Juanita, go!
by Ekek
For the Week of January 28, 2008
Miguel has been living off of Tabitha for at least a year, and he's making demands as well. It's simple...if he doesn't like the way that Tabitha lives her life, then he should move out of her house, get a job, and pay rent somewhere.

To continue on where our last columnist left off, Theresa does indeed seem to be brain dead. Someone please disconnect her life support and put us all out of her misery. I'm aghast at the folly she embarked on, trying to sway a Mob Don's murderous widow with her pitiful little story of "true love a la Theresa." A tale of all of the suffering she went through to get her lover away from his wife. Now Juanita has her and doesn't seem to have much regard for Theresa's tale of woe. In fact, to paraphrase what was said, Juanita thinks Theresa is one step up from a lady-of-the evening. She also said …vicious and depraved and death is too good for you…you aren't fit to walk on this planet…I would be doing a public service sending you to the grave…you cannot justify your sick history. Wow, I think Juanita is really revolted by Theresa's story of true love and the hardships involved in stealing a married man. Theresa stands there and weeps and clings to her hope that Juanita will see her side of things and let her go home where Ethan will throw said wife out of Theresa's husband's house so his wife will have to live in a refrigerator box under a bridge. How can any widow not be touched by such a story?


So how did Juanita get a hold of Theresa in the first place? This too is a wonderland tale. Theresa arrives in Mexico to visit Juanita. She believes that the woman who murdered her aunt and cousins can be reasoned with and that the stories of her torturing small children in front of their parents are somehow exaggerated. Theresa believes that all she has to do is tell this woman her love story and the woman's heart will melt and all will be forgiven. Upon reaching Mexico she is unable to find Juanita because the mere mention of her name sends people running in the opposite direction. Suddenly fearing for her safety, she burns her credit cards and ID and her passport. But she keeps family photos with her mother and a photo of Juanita and her mother. Now she has no passport to go home and proof positive she is Pilar's daughter. Desperate and codependent, of course she needs to tell someone her troubles and stops to chat with the first wealthy and powerful woman she sees. Yup, you guessed it. It's Juanita. Finally realizing her mistake she rushes off, but drops her purse and its contents. What does she pick up first? Her compact and lipstick of course; then she leaves the photos and her cell phone on the floor for Juanita to find. Enter the hired gun. He catches up with her in the hallway and shoots, but Theresa pushes a laundry cart into him and he misses. Theresa rushes down the hallway, running for her life, with Juanita and the gunman in hot pursuit. Does Theresa get away? No, she sees a payphone and stops to make a call. So you can probably see why I feel the way I do. Anyone that brain dead deserves to have the plug pulled. I mean, she acts like that and we (the audience) have to suffer. It simply isn't fair and I've had enough.


I still hold to my earlier prediction that Theresa might actually be Carlos' daughter. Carlos raped Pilar just before she killed him and Theresa hadn't been born yet. Would the widow allow her husband's daughter to live? We'll see. The writers have to save their greatest trouble maker somehow. It's like watching I Love Lucy cubed. What hair-brained stunt will she pull next week?


I've been thinking about Theresa's passport. Does it say Theresa Crane or Theresa Crane Crane Casey Winthrop Crane or may just, "I am Mrs. Alistair Crane."


Are any of you wondering why Pilar has forgotten to tell Paloma that the aunt who raised her has been murdered? That the cousins she grew up with are dead? No, Pilar stands there and weeps for Theresa. I guess Paloma is a fair weather daughter. In times of trouble she's simply forgotten.


As for their brother Miguel, I've had it with him too this week. That loafer has been living off Tabitha for at least a year and he's making demands as well. But when he said, "Now that I've straightened Tabitha out…" I hit the roof. It is a simple matter. If you don't like the way Tabitha lives her life, move out of her house. Get a J-O-B. Pay rent somewhere. Tabitha plans to turn him into a toad but I think he already is one.


What a lovely time Fancy, Luis, and Marty had at the hockey game. I enjoy seeing any child so happy. I knew it wouldn't sit well with Marty's mother, but I was genuinely surprised that it was Pretty who destroyed the evening. Oh, Sheridan had better watch out. I think we've finally found the true Crane heir. Pretty Crane's a chip off the old Alistair.


Did you all get the same laugh I did when Noah, Paloma, Kay and Miguel tried to plan a double wedding? If you've ever tried to plan a wedding you know how difficult it is to please everyone and to fulfill both the bride's and groom's dream of what their wedding would be. But pleasing everyone at a double wedding is impossible and they are pointing that out nicely. I'm not holding out much hope for a wedding anyway. Passion's nuptials are more a setting for disaster to strike then they are anything else.


So, who wanted to smack the self-satisfied looks off of Gwen and Sheridan's faces? The two former darlings of Harmony have turned nasty and it isn't attractive. All they need are pointy black hats and some brooms and they'll be all set.


Thanks for reading my commentary / venting session. Soaps are known as daytime drama but this week was more like the inmates in charge of the asylum. My head is reeling!


EKEK


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