The toilet brawl or Feeling a little flushed

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The toilet brawl <i>or</i> Feeling a little flushed
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The week of September 28, 2009
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You know, for decades men have wondered what goes on in the women's restroom and now it suddenly makes sense why no woman wants to go to the bathroom alone. There are crazy people waiting in the stalls to jump you!

So maybe I judged the All My Children dance-a-thon a little too soon. While I still think that the idea is ridiculous and way-too soapy, that doesn't mean that there haven't been some great moments -- so let's dish!

You know, for decades men have wondered what goes on in the women's restroom and now it suddenly makes sense why no woman wants to go to the bathroom alone. There are crazy people waiting in the stalls to jump you!

The highlight of the week for me came on Thursday when an unusually scary Natalia confronted Madison in the ladies' room. I almost feel bad for saying that the Natalia character was a waste of airtime back when she first debuted. In the past, let's say, six months, Natalia has become extremely interesting to me. Normally, the creepy moments are saved for the villains. Not so this time around. A very intense Natalia stared coldly at Madison and announced that she'd discovered what really killed Henry North -- a big, ugly, nasty, poisonous spider. Natalie then turned Madison towards the mirror and pointed at the widow's reflection. "Look at that! Do you see the spider?" Natalia remarked. She then smashed the mirror and icily proclaimed that she'd "got it!" I have to tell you that I seriously thought that Nat was going to bash Madison's head into the mirror. That might be a little too R-rated for daytime television. What really got the goosebumps going was how Natalia managed to stare down a glass shard-wielding Madison with a laugh. "You think you can stick me with that pathetic little splinter?" she cackled.

I am also intrigued by the Brot-Natalia pairing. I haven't seen any combo names for them, but I suppose it will end up being "Brotalia." Their banter about the police academy while they were dancing was kind of cute. I got a good laugh out of Brot sassing, "Do you want to lead?" to Natalia -- and then she twirled him.

The day before, Erica and Annie tangled in the powder room. And while I truly believe that Annie could take Erica in a fight, let's suspend that belief for this column. "How do you think your daughter would feel if she knew that you were taking her sloppy seconds?" Annie sassed off. Wow. C'mon, Annie didn't expect to get a slap for saying that? I would have known to duck. Erica's backhanded smack of Annie was classic Erica. What was new about the encounter was that Erica then grabbed Annie's arm, twisted it around Annie's back, and shoved Annie into a stall. "Oh, good," Erica said with a smirk as she admitted her work. "Now all I have to do is flush."

But wait, All My Children viewers, there's more! As Annie's fight with the new 2010 model Erica Kane continued, there were even more great moments. Though it happened off screen, we are supposed to believe that Erica dunked Annie's head into a toilet. Has anyone in AMC history ever been potty-dunked before? I chuckled even more when Erica told Annie that she ought to be glad that she didn't give her the "royal flush." Sure, this may have come across as High School Musical: The 30-Year Reunion, but it was still funny to me.

Rewinding a bit. Much of the Madison North storyline seems like a takeoff of the feature film Obsessed, which appeared in theaters earlier this year and starred Beyoncé. I am wondering how long it will be before Madison really goes off the deep end tosses someone down a well or something. It's a good thing the Hubbards don't have a pet! Actually now that I think about it, maybe it's Madison that needs to run somewhere and hide. She could very well find herself on the stove in a pot.

So many of you have written in to ask when the "Who Killed Stuart?" storyline will finally end. I have to say that this may be one of the worst murder mysteries in All My Children history. The only one that I can think of that was worse was the Greg Madden-in-a-box plot. I believe it was two weeks ago when I told you that the resolution was coming soon. So that means you have about two more weeks to wait until the surprising answer is revealed. Hang in there, folks.

Zach and Liza kissed--again. Tad's description that they were "Greco-Roman tongue-wrestling" was good for a snicker or two. I don't like them together as a couple, but I love tension between them. I was also pretty impressed with Jamie Luner's performance, particularly her sob session following Liza's comment about this being "the last time I cry for a man."

Hmm... it looks like someone may be reading this column. Back in August, while grousing about ways that AMC could save money, I suggested that the show scrap the role of Aidan Devane. In the seven years that Aiden Turner has been on All My Children, he's had hardly any story. Sure, the actor does have a Daytime Emmy nomination -- and I will not attempt to take that honor away from him. To me, the various writers that have passed through AMC have either not known what to do with Aidan or just didn't want to do anything with him.

Well, now the show won't have to figure out how to utilize the character and actor. Last week, it was confirmed that Turner has been let go and Aidan will be written out in November. It's a bit of a shame to me. I don't particularly care for Aidan -- he bores me -- and I have no idea what Aiden Turner can actually pull off as an actor. He's never had the chance. I've never heard of a character being around for so long and having such little purpose. I can't believe that there's no possible storyline for the character. What a shame.

My fifteen minute break is up so I have to get back to the dancefloor. Hopefully there will be enough imaginary donations to give me a break again next week so that I can bring you another Two Scoops.


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