It's not every week that a character, let alone my beloved Kendall, serves up the perfect Two Scoops column title on a silver platter. Unfortunately, the lovely Mrs. Slater summed up this week in these five little words.
First things first: If there are any of you out there who think Aidan and Greenlee are in it for the long haul, I would like you to stop reading this, shut down your computer, and seek professional help, because you are either blind, deaf, delusional, or a combination thereof. Let's take a quick tally, shall we? Ryan walked in on the wedding, Greens danced with her ex at the makeshift reception, the newlyweds discussed her marriage to Ryan in their honeymoon bed and the Little Prune Tart got trapped in an airplane bathroom with Lavery on the flight home. Greens was even staring at Ryan in their freaking wedding photo, for crying out loud!
We get it, AMC. Ryan and Greenlee are meant to be, fated in the stars, cosmically linked, blah, blah, blah. Been there, done that, got the Dynamite Kiddo comic book. Just reunite them already and throw Aidan back on ye olde backburner. I don't need any more mile-high walks down memory lane or lame attempts at nobility from good old Ryan (way to avoid telling your wife you love her, you tool). By the way, our boy Lavery seems to still be missing some of his memories, because I could have sworn he was there during Kendall's entire pregnancy. You missed all the "beginning" stuff? You were there for Spike's sonogram, moron!!! Sorry, where was I? Oh right, Ryan and Greens. Just get it over with, please.
The only potentially positive thing that came out of that mess (aside from Richie's ghost torturing Annie) was Zach asking Kendall to focus on their family. Sure, it would have meant more if Zach hadn't suggested this little spy mission in the first place (at least AMC let Kendall call him on that), and I was annoyed that he expected Kendall to turn on a dime and drop everything when he decided she should. Also, if I had ever seen Zach and Kendall take the boys to the park, his question about the last time they did that would have packed a much bigger punch. But it's progress, of sorts, that I grudgingly choose to cling to. They might not be on the exact same page, but at least it's in the same book. For now...
"Lighting" the way
My cable box must have been on the fritz on Thursday, because I was picking up random scenes from Guiding Light. All of a sudden, there were Gus and Harley, chatting it up on the beach in a poorly executed location shoot.
Seriously, it's nice that ABC was able to swipe two major stars from another network, but they've got to stop ordering us to like them. Did they learn nothing from the "real Greenlee" fiasco? Push these things too far, and they're bound to backfire. At least in the Greenlee situation, AMC was touting something it created (whether you think it's worth touting is up for debate). But in this case, they're basically saying, "See this great thing CBS created? We stole it!" Frankly, I don't care if Harley and Gus were popular on GL (I haven't seen anything to suggest why they were so amazing), but it seems AMC is counting on Beth Ehlers and Ricky Paull Goldin's past popularity to sell this pairing. Maybe Jake and Taylor will be incredible, but the hard sell isn't going to help. Concentrate on writing a good story, not hyping one someone else already told.
That said, I think I'd prefer watching Jake critique Taylor's running technique than see Dre and Cass whine by the pool, or Frankie pine over hooker-turned-secretary Randi, or Babe bellyache about how she runs the show at Fusion. At this point, I hope Adam and JR do take over Fusion. It's one less reason for Kendall and Greenlee to be joined at the hip, and it might actually get Babe to shut her ungrateful trap. Just take it, Arabella. I'm begging you.
Let her go, AdaM
We had version 354 of Krystal's "Goodbye, Adam" speech this week, and the only thing that saved it was Adam's reaction. Dare I hope that this time, it was for real? Maybe it's just David Canary knocking the scenes out of the park, but there was something in Adam's eyes (and, to be fair, in Krystal's, as well) that made me think this coupling may finally be finished. There was just something different about this go-around, in my opinion. Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part. Not that Krystal recommitting herself to my dear Tad is that much better, but if Tad is happy with being the consolation prize, so be it. Good on Tad for admitting Adam's not pure evil; it's about time, Mr. I Buried Greg Madden Alive. Judge not lest ye be brought up on murder charges.
Oh, and Kate? If you're looking for someone to play this lovely new Make Krystal Go Away game with you, count me in. A bunch of us have been playing that game for years already.
Let's end with some great news, shall we? Vincent Irizarry is coming back as Dr. David Hayward! There is so much potential here, people. I can't wait to watch David mix it up with Tad, Zach, Adam, Junior, Jake, and Ryan. I only have three requests on my wish list: First, don't make David into Babe's whipping boy this time around. Second, give him a real love interest (who isn't Greenlee). And third, please, please, please don't have him bring Dixie with him. Vincent just wrapped up a stint on The Young and the Restless... does this mean in a few months Billy Miller, who just signed on there, will return, too? Yes, I know, that's like hoping for a decent story for Josh Madden. It just ain't happening. At least I can watch Carmen call Myrtle "Mrs. Ferris Wheel" to bide the time. Why do I watch this show again?
Well, anyway, that's it for me. See you in a few.
Thanks for reading. See you again soon.