Slasher suspects and wine cellar prisoners

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August 14, 2006 columns
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If I ever have to solve a crime, I'm calling Two Scoops readers. You guys have some great theories on the possible identity of the slasher. Theories, I might add, that the clueless Oakdale PD would never conceive. We all know Maddie isn't a killer. Pat yourselves on the back for your keen sleuthing skills, and then keep reading to see who your fellow fans - and I - think is behind that busy butcher knife.

B.J. Greene - Brilliant, right? Two Scoops reader Kathy Bowman thinks the long-gone, chocolate milk-chugging computer geek is the killer. That's the best theory I've heard so far. Bravo, Kathy. It would make sense with the show's history and be a shocking plot twist. In theory, B.J. has every reason to want revenge on Maddie. She brought him to town under the guise that Katie was interested in him, and we all know that didn't end well. So, I can see B.J. wanting to frame Maddie for murder and wanting to make her suffer. Plus, he's psycho enough to enjoy slashing people up with a butcher knife. (Hello, Disco Ball and scary prom night.) I'm hoping B.J. is the slasher and that the ATWT writers are as smart as Kathy. (Note to Henry: Dude, you'd better find that suitcase of B.J.'s Benjamins if you know what's good for you.) Odds that B.J. is the killer: 7 to 1.

Eve - I originally thought Eve could turn out to be the killer. She seems way to uptight to be a Coleman. Plus, she's new to town and is acting a little strange. Although, I think that has more to do with Maddie's sexual assault, while in Chicago, and Eve's even-stranger husband, who I fear may have been Maddie's attacker. I could conceive Eve trying to get revenge on anyone who's done Maddie wrong. (R.I.P. Lea and Nate.) But, I don't think it would be with a butcher knife. Odds that Eve is the killer: 8 to 1.

Jade - Many of you think she's the killer, since she's the new girl in town everyone loves to hate and always seems to pop up around the murder scenes. Sorry folks, but I think you're wrong. Jade is spending way too much time straightening that gorgeous mane of hair to have time to worry about plotting murder. I think it's more likely that she'll turn up as the next victim, unless the show execs keep her around as an obstacle for Will and Gwen or a possible love interest for Dallas. Odds that Jade is the killer: 6 to 1

Will - Yes he poisoned Rose, and he definitely has problems. But he's not a Freddy Kreuger wannabe. Besides, if he were the killer, Casey would have been his first victim. Odds that Will is the killer: 9 to 1

Louis - My money is on Louis as the killer. Here's why: He raped Maddie and realizes it may all come out now. To make her seem crazy, he frames her for murder by offing her enemies and friends. Then, still fearing she'll tell his secret, he decides to try to kill her, too. Louis gives me a bad vibe, despite his impressive lecture to Henry about being more responsible with Maddie. Plus, he's new in town and getting him out of the picture will give Eve a reason to stay in Oakdale and bond with Jack, which was hinted at last week. Yep, I think he's the one. Of course, I thought Sue Ellen shot J.R. so take it for what you will. Odds that Louis is the killer: 2 to 1.

In Other Musings:
--If you have to be taken prisoner, then the wine cellar at Fairwinds seems to be the trendiest hot spot. Henry spent time there as a pickled prisoner, and now it seems Lucy and Dusty are the newest captives, thanks to Damian. Seriously, that wine cellar has more visitors than Java these days. At least Dusty will have something to drink this time in captivity, instead of getting dehydrated at the hands of Emily Stewart.

--Margo is back playing detective in the cop shop. Can I get a Woo Hoo? I've missed her tough-cop scenes. But she'd better watch her job. Dallas seems smarter than any of Oakdale's finest, since he's the one truly doubting Maddie as the killer.

--Oh no she didn't. Jade called the vertically challenged Maddie a "homicidal smurf." LOL. Back off Jade. I love the Smurfs, and Papa Smurf wouldn't approve.

--As I was watching the scene unfold between Louis and Henry, I kept having the urge to laugh at everything Louis said. Then, I realized why. He's "The Todd" on Scrubs. I've seen him in a Speedo, people, and that vacant look he wears as "The Todd" is just too hard to forget.

--Good for Lucy for helping bring down devious Damian. Once again, this guy has Luke involved in some kind of crazy dangerous scheme. I know you guys say that Damian was once a good guy, but he always seems to bring danger with him. That's too bad because I like him.

--Forget Maddie and Gwen, Barbara Ryan is the one to put the smack-down on Jade. Barbara's comment to Jade that "I'll snap you like a twig" made me chuckle. Oh, it's on. No one messes with Will, if Barbara doesn't approve.

--Henry always has the best lines of the week so nothing should surprise me, but when Henry referred to Casey as "the dude" this week, it left me in stitches. Priceless.

--Understatement of the week goes to Dusty when he summed up that "security at the hospital is a joke." I couldn't have said it better myself.

--Gwen and Casey have chemistry. Will and Gwen have chemistry. Maddie and Casey have chemistry. These teens are good at every angle.

--I wish Carly had come up with a better name for her new design company. CTS Designs seems a little boring for such a firecracker as Carly.

--Why is Maddie acting so jealous and crazy over Casey? I know it's the writers trying to make us think she's a possible killer, but it doesn't seem to fit with her character. I swear she's being drugged or maybe the post-traumatic stress is finally consuming her.

--For more than a year, I've been begging for the return of Craig Montgomery, in the form of Hunt Block. News broke, while I was away, that the part has been recast with another actor. I can't imagine another actor playing this part, but I'm withholding judgment until I see his scenes. Here's hoping I'm pleasantly surprised, but I can't imagine anyone having chemistry with Carly, Katie, Lucy and the gang the way Block did.

--Note to Mike: When your wife's sexy ex-husband rolls into town and she suddenly decides she wants to have a baby, you may want to question it. I'm just saying.

Best Lines of the Week:
(Maddie tells Henry that she's worried that everyone is reading about her in the newspaper.)
Henry: "Honey, no one is reading the headlines. They're doing Sudoku."

(Henry tells Eve they should get Maddie out of town ASAP because the police think she's a killer.)
Henry: "The cops want this case closed so they can get down to the nearest doughnut shop."

(Jack calls Carly in New York, but Simon answers her phone.)
Simon: "She's a little busy at the moment. Can I take a message?"
Carly: "What are you doing answering her phone, Simon?"
Simon: "That's pretty odd for a message, but I'll write it down if you want."
(After Carly discovers it was Jack who called, she questions Simon about the conversation.)
Simon: "I told him you'd call him back when he lightens up a bit."

Reader Spotlight:
(From Two Scoops Reader Jean.)
"Do you know of any plans to finalize Hal Munson? The day of Jennifer's funeral one could sort of read between the lines that Hal might be going away, but I don't think anyone has mentioned him since Hendrickson's last air date. Love your column."

Jean, I don't know yet how they're planning to handle Hal's departure. I'll keep you posted. ---Jennifer

(From Two Scoops Reader Angela.)
"I enjoy your column very much. Yes, Damian has always been somewhat manipulative, but at least before he was more dimensional and had more characteristics that Lily could actually fall in love with. This time around, his presence just seems to be a jarring "gimmick" to provide more eye-candy without any real substance. If Damian is going to stick around for a while, I hope the writers find a way to let him interact with more characters on more levels. Otherwise, I'm going to just keep fast-forwarding through his scenes, regrettably."

(Angela, it seems Damian's stay in Oakdale will be short. He's headed out of town soon. So, you won't have to fast-forward much longer. ----Jennifer br>
That's all for now, Scoopers. See ya next time.
Jennifer Biller

Jennifer Biller
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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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