The sky is falling...or it soon will be

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The sky is falling...or it soon will be
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The week of October 6, 2008
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Opal needs to put down the tarot cards. Has she ever seen anything good in any of her fortunetelling sessions?

Opal needs to put down the tarot cards. Has she ever seen anything good in any of her fortunetelling sessions? Case in point: her recent prenuptial reading for Babe and JR. Opal foresaw gloom and doom for all of the Carey women. Apparently, though, gloom and doom is an equal-opportunity misery-maker and all of Pine Valley -- not just the Carey gals -- is in for something horrible, horrible, horrible!

Here's a bit of a newsflash: Pine Valley tends to see a lot of something horrible-to-the-third-power during the early fall months... and February... oh yeah, and May. It might not be such a bad idea to have a standing train ticket for a get-out-of-town-quick trip. So is something bad, um, in the cards for the residents of Pine Valley, or is Opal just overdoing the Chicken Little routine?

Had Colby consulted with Opal, she could have stopped herself from walking in on her dad making out with ex-wife, Erica Kane. We all know that our parents had (or still have) romance in their lives, but I doubt that anyone wants to catch them groping around on the sofa like a pair of teenagers. When will folks learn that when you pretend to like someone that you don't love, you end up falling for that person? I like seeing Susan Lucci and David Canary having a meaningful storyline, rather than being forced into scenes as secondary characters who are there only to take up space. I haven't yet decided if I want to see Erica and Adam truly fall for one another. I see great story potential with their constant attempts to stick it to each other with verbal sparring. It's fun to watch a couple engage in a little playful fussing.

Angie and Jesse were trying to engage in a little playfulness of their own last week. Since my last column, Jesse came clean to Angie about his secret phone calls. During his 20 years as a dead man, Jesse had found comfort in the arms of another woman. The confession prompted Angie to tell Tad to call off his investigation into Jesse's odd behavior and all was good in the world again. Frankie decided to get a place of his own and Angie and Jesse were free to "get buck nekkid" in their own home. Their playtime was cut short when Opal and Krystal showed up to warn Jesse about the impending doom predicted by the tarot cards. Nearly all criminal activity could, of course, be prevented if police departments would just open a precognitive unit in their downtown headquarters. It worked so well in the Tom Cruise flick Minority Report. Opal could ask Llanview's Madame Delphina to join her and maybe renowned psychic Sylvia Brown could pop in on occasion to help them out.

On her way to get beer at the store, Angie ran into a random woman lurking near the elevator on her floor. The woman told Angie that she was waiting for a friend. No one on a soap opera is ever just sitting in the hallway waiting for a friend. If you are a character on a soap and you speak, you aren't just waiting for anyone. So who is this mystery woman? Is she the prophesied doom and gloom? No, but that doesn't mean that she won't make life uncomfortable for Jesse. Did you see his face when he ran into her in the hallway? She's a little young to have been past the age of consent during Jesse's time on the run. Now we know why Cassandra had to flee to Paris: there is only room in Pine Valley for one young, female African American Hubbard offspring at a time. She will remain a secret for a little while, but when hell breaks loose in town mid-month, everyone will know who she is and why she's there.

Speaking of who's where and what they're doing, does Annie truly have a figment of her imagination haunting her now? Maybe now that Richie has stopped pestering her, Annie has gotten a little lonely and she decided to conjure up a new ghost to attack her in darkened rooms at the Chandler mansion. There is definitely someone lurking about -- we saw mystery shoes approach Little Adam. Things have certainly been hayward , er, haywire at the Chandler house since Annie moved in. I still love Crazy Annie. It's one of the best character turnarounds on AMC in recent years. Hannah was crazy, but she bored me. Her child was killed in an explosion (set off by another crazy person, Janet Green) and then she went around town trying to kill people. I've forgotten (almost) all about her and moved on. Let's hope that a recent casting call that used some of Hannah's previous scripts doesn't mean that Hannah has somehow pulled a Jesse and been having an affair with another woman somewhere.

While I'm on that topic, are we ready for Bianca's return to Pine Valley? She will be flying back just in time for Opal's big event. Again, you need to leave Pine Valley during the early fall months -- not travel to it. She's not coming alone, of course. No, I am not talking about her new girlfriend. I'm referring to the baby she's carrying. If you missed the article I wrote last month that reported exclusively on this bombshell, click here and get caught up. I'll wait. Are you back? Okay, good. There has already been some interesting discussion on the message boards about who the father might be. I know who it is, but I am not saying a word. I think the reveal will be huge, huge, huge!

This is the halftime portion of my column. So let's all go into the closet of our favorite stranger or houseguest, take out an outfit that belonged to their dead ex-lover, and put it on so that we can seduce the person we're currently dating. Could Amanda have been any more disrespectful? Sure, she didn't know that she was wearing a dead guy's clothes, but why was she borrowing someone else's clothing in the first place. I like Chrishell Stause's work as Amanda, but I much preferred the version of Amanda that interacted with her mentally ill mother than I do this always-horned-up version. Taylor is so messed up right now. She wants to get back to Iraq to continue in the war on terror, but I think she is more driven by the fact that her fiancé was killed in battle. Wait until she finds out that he's not dead. I am not really big on back-from-the-dead plots and I do have concerns that having an Iraqi War vet as an "undead" could be seen as insulting to those who have had loved ones killed in the line of duty. It's always risky when you try to "soapify" a real-life story. That aside, will Taylor then stop being so intent going back to battle? Or, will she be called back to duty just as she finds out that Brot wasn't killed and is now out of the service and living in or near Pine Valley?

Little Kate is missing in action? She hasn't tried to kill Krystal in at least three weeks now. I rather enjoyed seeing Tad and Dixie's child as a demon spawn. To be truthful, I had envisioned a dramatic story reminiscent of Bianca setting fire to her "Uncle Jack doll" back in the 1990s. I saw Kate setting fire to the Martin house to try to get rid of Krystal, only Krystal wouldn't have been the one claimed by the fire. For the purpose of drama -- please do not think that I am anti-child -- I thought that Jenny would have been killed in the fire. After Jenny was killed, it would have been learned that she was actually Adam's daughter. The Chandler-Martin feud would have exploded all over again. Or, Kate could have been killed in the fire. Tad would have been devastated by losing Dixie's daughter. Then, when it is revealed that David Hayward has been keeping Dixie alive for the past two years in an undisclosed location, the resulting storyline would have been stunning, stunning, stunning!

And sadly, it all could have been prevented if Jesse had just hired Opal and her tarot cards.


Dan J Kroll
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