You say subsidy, I say subsidiary

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You say subsidy, I say subsidiary
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The week of June 20, 2011
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Two Scoops is a weekly opinion column about all things All My Children. Check in every week to see if you agree or disagree with what our columnists have to say!

Hi everyone. I'm stepping in this week for Dan, who is off with Martha Byrne to cover the Daytime Emmys in Las Vegas. For all the latest information and Red Carpet coverage, visit Soap Central's new Daytime Emmy hub and then be sure to tune in on Sunday, June 19th at 8:00pm Eastern to watch the awards on CBS.

Now, let's chat about this week's episodes of All My Children.

I realized this week, to my utter surprise, that I actually like Caleb. I have no idea when it happened or how, but there it was. Mind you, I never disliked him, but the mountain man thing just wasn't my cup of tea. For months he stomped around Pine Valley, barking at people and referring to Erica as Dorothy, which frankly annoyed me. However, I also liked that he never catered to or mooned over her like so many others before him. Maybe that's why she ended up picking Jack.

I suspect that the shift with Caleb began when he finally accepted that Erica wasn't secretly in love with him. In a strange way, it softened him and made him a little more open. I like where he is with Asher, and I like that he has developed some genuine friendships. Getting over Erica liberated him, so now I want him to find love. I'm a romantic, so that's how I roll.

Perhaps, if Jane doesn't get hauled away in a straitjacket, she can hook up with Caleb.

I howled with laughter when Jane told Greenlee that she wanted the hospital to be a "subsidy" of Cortlandt Electronics. Greenlee's expression was absolutely priceless as she carefully corrected Jane, "You mean subsidiary." I find myself being quite amused by Jane's antics lately, especially when she's trying to find a nice quiet watering hole for some time to unwind with a drink. Unfortunately for Jane, Erica's loved ones are like a bunch of whack-a-moles, popping up everywhere, so she can't even think about drinking without one of them giving her the gimlet eye.

Jane is discovering that life as Erica Kane is not all that it's cracked up to be. Erica has baggage -- lots of baggage -- that Jane was not prepared to deal with, Kendall and Bianca being at the very top of that list. I could practically feel Jane's discomfort when Erica's daughters decided to share a group hug with their mother. At first I thought, "Jeeze, can't you at least fake if for like two minutes?" However, then I found out that Jane had suffered a devastating loss that pretty much explained why she was so desperate to escape her former life and to keep everyone at a nice safe distance. She wants all of the superficial trappings of Erica's life: clothes, fame, fortunate, adoration, and beauty, because she thinks that will give her happiness. However, she practically breaks out in hives when the things that fulfill the real Erica Kane intrude on her little fantasy. That means that Jane is going to be ousted as an imposter sooner, rather than later.

Until the other day, I would have been happy to see Jane carted off to Oak Haven or jail when that moment arrived, but after learning about Jane's loss and how her parents couldn't stand the sight of her because she had been "hideous," I find myself wanting her to have a happy ending. Sure she did something bad, but Erica's not exactly shackled to a cold damp wall in some seedy dungeon. She's essentially in her bedroom with a hunky cook who treats her like a delicate china doll.

Things could be worse for Erica. I'm hoping that, when all is said and done, Erica finds it in her heart to forgive Jane for doing such a terrible thing.

Jane clearly suffered some kind of mental break, and Ben didn't help by jumping on the crazy train with her and then agreeing to go along with her cockamamie plan. Perhaps that is why David appears to have compassion for Jane. He's been down that road a time or two, so he knows what it's like to go that dark.

I have to confess that I loved David's interactions with Jane this week because it gave me a glimpse into that vulnerable side of him that we rarely see. Sure he's a devious little manipulator, who is running circles around Jane, but it was touching to hear him talk about the loss of his own two daughters, Leora and Babe. It's a reminder that David isn't all evil, just 99.9 percent. Strangely, though, I felt more compassion for David's loss, even though it happened years ago, than I did for Ryan's.

It bugs me to no end that Ryan seems to have completely forgotten about the baby that Greenlee had miscarried. I couldn't believe how heartless and callous he sounded when he told Greenlee, "Madison and I lost a child together, and we've got to go through it together."

It seemed insensitive because Greenlee suffered that very same kind of pain when she lost Ryan's baby. It's downright insulting for him to act as if Greenlee couldn't possibly understand what he and Madison are going through. I realize that part of the issue with Ryan and Greenlee right now is that he's still upset and hurt that she didn't tell him about Sara, when she first learned that Madison was pregnant with his child, but he needs to remember that Greenlee forgave him for all the wrongs that he has done.

I actually want Ryan and Greenlee to work out, but it makes me question if it's possible when their relationship never seems to hit an even keel.

Moving on, I have to ask: where oh where are all the lesbians in Pine Valley? Are Bianca and some random bartender the only two? Enough with Bianca always falling for women who are unattainable or trapped in men's bodies -- yes, that was a Zarf reference. It's simply not realistic. Bianca is a beautiful, wealthy, successful, kind, and loving person. Women should be lined up in droves wanting to have a relationship with her.

Why can't Bianca be pursued by an honest-to-goodness dyed-in-the-wool lesbian who isn't confused about her sexuality? Bianca deserves that. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to see Marissa and Bianca together -- the actresses have mad chemistry -- but Marissa was written to be a heterosexual woman. Nothing in her past has ever suggested that she is sexually attracted to women, so I simply couldn't buy her suddenly switching teams. It doesn't work that way, at least not time and again.

Frankly, I'm a little surprised that Marissa seems oblivious to Bianca's feelings -- and JR, too, for that matter. JR is crazy jealous over Scott based on a brief fling eons ago that each has moved on from. Scott shows about as much interest in Marissa as Marissa does in Bianca. It's silly for JR not to put the pieces together when Bianca is handing him special music boxes and giving him expert tips on wooing Marissa.

Another guy who needs a smack upside the head is Jake. It's clear to everyone, Amanda included, that he's gaga for Cara. His efforts to save his marriage are in vain and a waste of time because it's obvious that he's simply no longer in love with his wife. That became clear when he confessed to Cara that the idea of any other man touching her makes him jealous. How can any sane person think that their marriage is salvageable when you feel that way about someone who isn't your spouse? I would have had so much more respect for Jake if he'd been honest with Amanda first, not Cara.

As much as I adore Cara, I wasn't all that fond with her response. Telling a married man, when you are married to his brother, that you want him to love you the most is not the honorable way to behave. Cara and Jake might not be having sex, but both are being unfaithful to the people that they are married to.

Luckily, Tad provided us with some-much needed comic relief this week when he paraded around with his Papa Smurf-blue hairdo. It was a nice nod to Opal's Glamorama days to see her dying his hair. It was also an interesting new look for Tad. I'm sure that Sleeping Dixie would have appreciated it, had she roused long enough to draw another star on the wall of that third-world looking prison that she's languishing in.

I'm so ready for this storyline to kick off. I'm hoping that Kathy's penny wish was for her mommy to return. It's not that I don't like Cara and Tad, I do, but it's clear that ship is not going to sail, and Dixie is lurking in the wings. No woman can compete against Dixie, not in Tad's heart nor in my heart. Tad and Dixie are a supercouple and soap royalty. I want them have a happily-ever-after because I've waited forever for it to happen. Plus, I think JR needs his mother to guide him.

It pains me that All My Children is ending, so all of these returns are bittersweet. I'm heartbroken that it's happening because my beloved soap is going off of the air, but it warms my heart to know that I'm going to get to see so many familiar faces before the final curtain drops. So far, I'm looking forward to Annie, Janet-From-Another-Planet, and Marian's escape from Oak Haven the most because I'm certain that that the story is going to be filled with laughter galore. It cannot be helped when you put these three ladies together. Josh Duhamel's return will be special because I've waited so long for it to happen. Finally, Eva LaRue reprising her role as Maria Santos has me crossing my fingers that a few of her family members tag along for the visit.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts about the show. I love to hear back from readers, so please feel free to send me an email with your thoughts about AMC, what you hope will happen, and whose return you are looking forward to.

Liz Masters

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of AMC Pages or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.

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