Here's a dilemma they don't cover in the etiquette books: What kind of wedding gift do you get a teen couple who has no income or residence and married to get a trust fund and avoid boarding school? I guess a waffle maker is out of the question.

I have to admit, I never thought the next Mrs. Snyder would be a 17-year-old high school student, especially with Jack, Holden and Brad's records of multiple marriages. But Parker convinced Liberty that marrying him was the only way for him to avoid boarding school, and now we've got a 16-year-old boy who is a husband. Pardon me while I gauge out my eyes.

Rarely do I come down mercilessly on the show runners of ATWT. For the most part - with the exception of the under use of Henry and the some of the vets- the show does a good job of storytelling. (Plus, I think daytime has enough ratings problems right now without me lambasting them every time they try something new.) But, I draw the line at this ridiculous marriage. It's unacceptable. Parker is a teenager, people! He should be playing hockey, not house.

The story is showcasing Jack and Carly's frustrations as parents, which is realistic and interesting, but the problem is the long-term effect this is going to have on the character of Parker Snyder. When this marriage implodes, and we all know that it will, the kid is going to be more mixed up than he is now with long-term damage. This marriage is setting him on a path of bad decisions, and multiple marriages in his lifetime. (Yes, his last name is Snyder, so I guess the multiple marriages are a given.)

Why did the show honchos marry these kids? Parker could have continued to rebel and explore his obvious resentment and shame of his mother, without having him tie the knot. Once again, ATWT showed it has little or no respect for marriage. Shame on them. The show is obsessed with quickie weddings, to further a plot, with little or no emotional investment between the characters. Parker deserved better, and so does the audience.

Meanwhile:
--OK, admit it. You were grinning a little at Paul this week when he begged Emily to slice him "like a steak" and then when he told Lucy to "wiggle" her charms. I think this is the version of Paul I enjoy: He's not mooning over a woman or acting like a mad man, he has a sick sense of humor, and he's just this side of crazy.

--Ever since Brad realized he had a daughter, he's been a very hands-on father. But the past two weeks, he's been missing in action while his daughter ran off and married a 16-year-old. Where is Brad in this whole Parker/Liberty drama? Is it shoddy writing, or are we to assume that Brad is letting Janet handle the marriage mayhem? Yeah, I don't think Brad would do that either. Janet recently told Jack that the kids had four parents between them. Well, I've seen only three in this entire storyline, unless we count Craig. Brad Snyder, your daughter needs you! Wake up, writers. Brad should be worrying more about his teen child than the one he has on the way.

--I could listen to Damian say "Luciano" a thousand times a day and never get tired of it. The man has a way with the accent, no?

--I'm so confused about Vienna's pregnancy. First, she's puking but supposedly not pregnant. Then, she pees on four sticks that all tell her she is pregnant, only to be told at the doctor she isn't. What am I missing? Is there something wrong with Vienna? I'm clueless, Scoopers, as to where this storyline is headed. I thought perhaps she would be pregnant with Henry's baby instead of Brad's, but it looks like that isn't true, after all. At least Henry can relax for a while. It's obvious he doesn't want Vienna pregnant, regardless of who is the baby daddy.

--Casey Hughes, put down the mop! Does anyone else want Casey to get off his mop bucket and aspire to make something more of his life? He has the support and finances to achieve so much, if he'd just get out of his own way. Wouldn't it be fun if Casey followed in Margo's footsteps and partnered up with Jack? Call me shallow, but the cop shop could use a little eye candy.

--Damian is back and this time it appears he wants to make amends with his son. Good for Damian. I hated the way the show turned him into such a bigoted character during his last trip in Oakdale, and I hope he'll be more accepting of his son this time around, regardless of whether he agrees with his Luke's sexuality or not. I applaud the show for making Damian so intolerant of Luke's homosexuality at first. It was realistic that he echoed the religious beliefs that he was raised with, believing something was "wrong" with Luke and trying to "fix" him. I'm sure this is a common reaction from some parents who discover they have a gay child. Damian is back with a new attitude this time, or so it seems. He explained that he was wrong to be so cruel to Luke, based on "ignorance" and the way he was raised. Perhaps, Luke will find it in him to forgive him, or perhaps not, but one way or the other, it will be compelling to watch.

--Meg Snyder, please stop using men to fill your lonely life. Meg is afraid to be alone. Just once, I'd like to see Meg go for more than three days without a man. She rotates them like her underwear. Wait, bad analogy.

--The theories are still flying as to whom is working with Lucy. To me, Lucinda makes the most sense as Lucy's cohort, despite that many of you think it's Rosanna. Maybe Lucinda as the conspirator is just my own wishful thinking, with the hope that she would finally get to be in a storyline again. But, she has an ax to grind with Craig, remember? And oddly enough, she and Lucy have yet to share a scene together. Don't you think Lucy would have at least called her grandma to let her know she's back, unless she's talking to her constantly plotting to bring Craig down? Rosanna is a good guess, too, but I can't imagine why she would want to ruin her sister's latest chance at success. I don't think Rosanna is that cruel. Or maybe months in a coma will do that to you.

--Luke Snyder, please get off your soapbox. I'd like to warn the writers: Be careful with this character; Luke is getting so preachy that I fear it could undermine this entire storyline. I get that Luke is passionate about championing gay rights. But, frankly, I want this character to be more than just gay. It seems like lately Luke's entire purpose on the show is that he's the gay character. It's starting to feel like, "Hey, he's the gay guy, so let's tackle all the storylines that could go with that - prejudice, discrimination, hate crimes. Yes, it's commendable that the show is taking on such controversial issues, but at the same time, I'd like to see more of Luke than just this side of him. "Desperate Housewives" does a great job with its two gay characters, which believe it or not, have storylines that aren't just about them being gay. Best Lines of the Week:
(Paul blackmails Lucy into luring Dusty back into a relationship.)
Lucy: "Are you out of your mind?"
Paul: "It's been mentioned."

(Craig manipulates Carly to get what he wants.)
Carly: "Why must you always blackmail?"
Craig: "Because it works."

(Paul begs Emily to stab him, so he can get Meg's sympathy.)
Emily: "Stabbing you on purpose? It's twisted, even for me."
Paul: "You love twisted."

Emily: "How many ways can I say it? I will NOT cut you."
Paul: "Fine, I'll do it myself."
Emily: "Fine, I hope your tetanus shots are up to date."

Reader Spotlight:
(From Two Scoops reader Christy.)
After checking out the Dankies, it leaves me wondering why ATWT refuses to put Jack and Carly back together. Jack doesn't belong with Janet, and Carly doesn't belong with Craig. There is plenty to do with this couple besides constantly putting them in near-miss situations. I'm not wasting time watching my favorite couple being paired up with other people every year or two, when it's obvious where their hearts are. No matter how many times the writers try to make Jack and Carly say a "final goodbye", it doesn't "work". Squandering that kind of chemistry should be illegal. It's something that goes beyond good writing and acting. I'd bet there are other shows who would fall to their knees and thank their lucky stars to have a couple with this kind of chemistry. But not this set of writers. Nope, they're busy trying to find the next Jack and Katie or the next Craig and Meg.
Dear Christy, I certainly understand your frustration that your favorite couple isn't together, but just because Jack and Carly aren't together doesn't mean that the show is squandering their chemistry. Frankly, Jack and Carly have chemistry whether they're together romantically or not. Even arguing about their kids, it's obvious that they'll always have that "magic." But, I for one was getting a little tired of the same old-same old relationship with Carly lying to Jack and his constant disapproval of her. It felt like he was her parent, lecturing her constantly. I think this change has been good. If nothing else, it may finally prove to Jack that Carly is never going to live up to his expectations, but if he loves her, he'll accept her as she is. ---Jennifer Biller

(From Two Scoops reader Jane.)
I noticed one of your (readers) mentioned that "In Oakdale, they let just anyone bring up children". I just wanted to say, "So does God".

That's all for now Scoopers! See ya next time.
Jennifer Biller