Right off the bat, I have to take a little pint-sized terror to task for her sanitized version of the truth.
"I'm purging Kendall from my life. She's toxic. * Kendall was a wannabe from a Florida swamp whose only talent was lying to juries. Oh, and arson. * She's been sabotaging me from day one. Stealing what's mine, my profession, my men, even my clothes. * She took the same dress that I had on, and then she ripped mine to shreds, and I had to go out on the runway with my booty exposed. * We wiped away each other's tears, and we vowed, no matter what, to be there for each other. Well, I was there, Ryan. She was with Aidan. It's over. For good." - Greenlee Smythe
Where do I begin? Bringing up Kendall's mid-90s crimes would be a good strategy if Greens hadn't committed much more heinous acts and gotten away with it. If I recall, there was another dress-ripping incident in Kendall and Greenlee's past, except this one almost landed Kendall on death row. I guess that pales in comparison to minor embarrassment via booty exposure. If saving Fusion when Greens tried her best to kill it (running out of town, handing her shares to Babe, etc.) means Kendall stole Smythe's career, then she's dead on. And, I'm sorry, when exactly did Kendall steal Greenlee's men? Kendall never laid a finger on Leo and, if memory serves, Ryan and Aidan were both with Kendall first. Oh, and I'd bet the number of tears they caused each other to shed far outweighs the one they wiped away for each other. Nice try, though, Greenlee.
The funny thing is, I could deal with that revisionist history lesson if I thought for a single second this would lead to the end of 'Kenlee.' Unfortunately, I know, within a matter of weeks - possibly days - we'll be back to the love fest portion of this sick so-called friendship. Erica really nailed it in her conversation to Kendall this week. La Kane would never keep a 'friend' who treated her this way. Think about it: were Brooke and Erica ever friends? Not a chance, and they didn't do half of the insane things to each other in 20 years that Kendall and Greens have in five. Kendall and Greenlee should be one of the show's great rivalries, not an ode to true sisterly love.
Game, set, match
This brings us to Zach and Kendall. I've hurled obscenities at a lot of soap characters before, but I never thought I'd do it to Zach Slater. Monday's episode was horrible. I guess a wife's not allowed to ask where her husband's been after he leaves during an argument. It's not as though the last time that happened he went missing for weeks and was presumed dead. I must have misheard what Kendall said when Zach returned - I could have sworn she asked where he was, but he apparently heard her accuse him of bedding Greenlee. When he was sarcastically 'admitting' to his freaked out wife that he cheated on her, just like she assumed, I wanted to chuck a brick at the screen.
The kicker, though, was this: "You know what scares me, Kendall Hart Slater? One day, you're going to push me too far. And I'm not coming back." Wow. What happened to "Always, only you?" If Kendall can't share her fears, irrational as they may be, with her husband without worrying she'll push him too far, what kind of a marriage is that? (Of course, in this case, her fears aren't even that irrational!) Zach basically said he could and would leave her given the right circumstances, without defining what those circumstances are. I don't want to watch a Zach who endures a challenging relationship with Kendall. I got that with Ryan and Kendall and once was more than enough.
After all that, watching Greenlee get nailed in the eye with Kendall's tennis serve was a cathartic release. Well, at least until Aidan and Zach rushed to Greenlee's aid and Greens started hurling insults at Kendall. Yeah, because it's not as though she did anything to provoke the attack. Whatever. I'm glad Kendall admitted - or, as I like to think of it, took credit - for hitting Greenlee. That's my Kendall! Of course, Smythe took advantage of the confession by suing Kendall for a million dollars, which Zach and Josh chalked up to Greens being Greens. She's just angry! She's just blowing off steam! Why are you so paranoid Kendall? Um, maybe because she's known this little skank for a lot longer than you and knows what she's capable of?!?! And from what you've seen, you should know that too! GAH!
What's worse, by the end of both of these little episodes, Kendall was apologizing to the men in her life for being irrational. Kendall, honey, it's not paranoia if someone is actually out to get you. Zach and Josh can laugh off that lawsuit as much as they want, but the last time Greenlee filed court papers, she sued for custody of Kendall's child. And we all know what happened shortly after that. Once again, Kendall's left looking like the psycho when the inmates are already running the asylum. Ugh.
The crazy is spreading
Speaking of insane people, how about that Novak family? Annie has officially lost it, which I wouldn't really care about it if she wasn't directing her crazy at Greenlee. Teach her a lesson, Annie! Seriously, though - does anyone think Annie will be on this show in six months? They've painted her into an unstable, Ryan-obsessed corner. Actually, it's too bad Annie and Greenlee aren't getting along, because they could trade notes on conceiving Ryan's baby without his knowledge. Greens could even give her tips on dodging Lavery's punches!
Of course, Ryan was in rare form this week, too, ready to jam electrodes into his skull to get his memory back. All things being equal, Annie should have been ticked off about him checking out this surgery without consulting her (and ticked at Greenlee for volunteering her two cents). Ryan continually amazes me. He's willing to have a potentially fatal, experimental procedure that could leave Annie a widow and his two kids without a father. I guess that's not as important as remembering what he had for dinner three years ago.
I'm far more interested in the fate of Pine Valley's other Novak sibling, Richie. After Big Bad Junior tortured him into a seizure, Richie tried to escape the hospital only to bump into Zach, who had a flash from the night he was run down. As much as I enjoy Richie, and as much as I'm hating Zach right now, I am looking forward to their scenes on Monday, if only to see how Richie gets away.
Together forever -- again
On a happier note, my beloved Tad told Kathy she's his daughter this week. At first, I thought this reveal came a little too soon; a seven-year old girl can only take so many bombshells. The scenes were very sweet, though. Kathy is one of the most adorable kids I've ever seen on a soap and Michael E. Knight was great. I thought it would have been more impactful if Tad hadn't asked Kathy to call him Dad, but I got a little choked up over Tad's reaction nonetheless. The Tad and Dixie stuff was pretty nice, too, though Tad didn't ask Dixie the one question I had about heaven: do they serve peanut butter and banana pancakes there?
Adam's scenes with Kathy were just as good as Tad's. The way he comforted that girl was beautiful. Of course, Krystal, who was full of sanctimony and venom a few days prior, was touched enough to go to the mansion and lead Adam on a bit more. "I have to admit," she said, "seeing you with Kathy -- it made me think of how it might have been with Jenny." Oh, you mean what it would have been like with Charlotte if you hadn't cheated with Tad? Ugh.
That scene played out a lot better in my head. On my AMC, Adam watched Krystal leave, went back to his living room, grabbed a glass of scotch and sat on the couch. He broke down crying, set down the glass and put his head in his hands. He felt a hand on his shoulder, looked up and saw Brooke English staring back at him. (No, I'm never going to give up on that pairing!)
And why should I? It took 20 years for Angie and Jesse to reunite, but it happened. It was nice to see them deal with some real life issues this week. The best part about those scenes was that you could see both sides. Of course Angie would be nervous about Jesse joining the force. She rightly assumes he will find a way to get back in the field and out himself in the line of fire again. On the other hand, Jesse was, is and always will be a cop. He's right - it's a huge part of who he is, and asking him to give it up would be like telling Angie not to practice medicine. How refreshing: married people arguing about something other than infidelity.
You know what's not refreshing? Erica Kane doing a television show from prison. Please, make it stop!
Have a great week, everybody.