S/He's just not that into you (unless you're a lesbian, locked up, or an on-the-run psych ward escapee)

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AMC Two Scoops: S/He's just not that into you (unless you're a lesbian, locked up, or an on-the-run psych ward escapee)
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The week of February 16, 2009
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No man really knows the lengths that women will go to in order to look good, so I am not entirely sure what Greenlee used to affix her veil to herself.

No man really knows the lengths that women will go to in order to look good, so I am not entirely sure what Greenlee used to affix her veil to herself. However, it must have been the world's strongest hairspray or hairpin, as not even the wind whipping through her hair as she rode through the wilderness on her motorcycle was enough to dislodge that veil.

Let's rewind a bit.

I know that a lot of viewers out there still feel that AMC's new head writer, Charles Pratt, has done a number on Kendall and Bianca, but I am really enjoying the tension between the two. Everything that has transpired over the past nine months or so may be out of character, but the icy Kendall is so much fun to watch. Let's be honest: no one would want their spouse to produce a secret child, let alone one with an in-law.

Reese and Zach didn't kiss last week. They had a full-fledged tongue wrestling match. How many times have we seen someone comfort another Pine Valley resident with a little smooch - or a romp in the sack? The quadrangle that is Bianca/Reese/Zach/Kendall is made even more convoluted by little Gabrielle. That and Reese's apparent off-and-on bisexuality. Ryan witnessed the kiss between Reese and Zach and headed straight to Greenlee to tell her what was going on. He embellished the story slightly, saying that Zach and Reese must be having sex together. That set in motion Greenlee's motocross finale.

Kendall issued Bianca a painful ultimatum: leave Pine Valley and she'd be happy to attend her wedding. Of course later, Bianca and Reese decided that they were not going to leave Pine Valley - and Kendall just happened to overhear the change of plans. Looking extremely well for a recent transplant recipient, Kendall stormed off to her car and prepared to drive off. You cannot drive a car for several weeks following a transplant. You can't. The doctor's won't allow it. Common sense makes it impossible. Kendall, why are you behind the wheel of a car?

To run Greenlee off the road, obviously.

And now, a few words from our not-so-subtly planted sponsors. Soup or vegetable juice, anyone? I'm just teasing, of course. We all have to make money somewhere. And I actually think that AMC's product placements were far less intrusive than ones used by other shows.

So we learned that Dr. Sinclair was banging Richie while he was in jail. I don't mean to sound crass, but the idea of a prison psychiatrist having sex with an inmate is a little repulsive to me. I guess you're attracted to who you're attracted to, but who ever thought that Mr. Right was locked up somewhere behind bars? Attention single ladies: the next Pine Valley mixer will be head at the Statesville Penitentiary. How Sinclair managed to land in Pine Valley and get assigned to Annie's case is a mystery. Sure, McKenzie Westmore was a little over the top as Riley Sinclair (her shrieking over the broken coffee mug should have landed her a padded cell of her own!), but I have really enjoyed the storyline. I am guessing that Westmore's stint in Pine Valley will be over soon and I have to admit that I'm going to be sorry to see her go.

Annie somehow made her way from Oak Haven, which I always thought was located near Pine Valley, to Connecticut in record time. It's at least 200 miles from Pine Valley to Hartford, Connecticut. When she got there, in addition to skulking around, Annie clobbered Aidan with a shovel. Gosh, I love a good shovel pummeling. Then, as her future-possible-love interest slept his headache away, Annie took a gun and went after Ryan. Nothing says Valentine's Day like a runaway bride, being held at gunpoint by your ex-wife, or seeing your lesbian wife-to-be making out with a dude. I can't wait to see what they do for St. Patrick's Day!

One of the highlights of the week was something decidedly undramatic. Jesse's surprise birthday party at ConFusion provided one of the best laughs in recent All My Children history. In the midst of the "Happy Birthday" chorus, Tad popped out of the cake dressed as a police officer - and then serenaded Jesse in an over-the-top style that would have made even Charles Nelson Riley look tame. If the singing wasn't enough, Tad then did some dirty dancing around the bar.


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