Carly's sick - in the head. Yeah, I know many of you have been saying that for years about Oakdale's resident troublemaker, but this time, it's really true. She suddenly, and I mean suddenly, developed some sort of medical problem stemming from her brain that is causing dizziness, fainting and headaches. Maybe that could explain her bizarre behavior last year to leave her kids, assist in a robbery, and bid Oakdale adieu. Nah. I think we all know what the catalyst for Carly's departure was: a hot Australian with killer eyes, not a medical problem.

Despite the fact that Carly declared her new condition love sickness i.e. a broken heart, I think it's more serious than that. This medical crisis has all the soap warning signs of a potential brain tumor, down to the ominous brain scan and neurosurgeon referral. And Carly's timing couldn't be more perfect. Her former husband is about to tie the knot with one of her former friends, and a brain tumor is certainly a way to get Jack's attention.

I don't want Jack to come to Carly's aid because she's ill. I hate that soap cliché. I'd like to see Brad step in and continue to be her support system, so that Jack can move on with his life. I know. I know. That isn't going to happen once he finds out she's sick. But, hey, wouldn't it be a refreshing plot twist if he did?

In other musings:
--The colonel is cuckoo. I'm sure he's the one who killed Cheri. He's clearly an abusive bastard with sexual issues. I feel sorry for Noah and for Maddie. Is it too much to ask that this girl get a storyline that doesn't involve murdering psychos?

--Oh, Henry, my eyes, my eyes! Please, someone in wardrobe, I'm begging: burn that hideous orange shirt and tie combo he wore to the party, so I never have to see it again. On the plus side, the shirt was so busy with patterns and prints that Henry probably could spill all the diner grease, gravy, ketchup and mustard on it he wanted and no one would be able to tell.

--I hate Lucinda's new nickname for Meg. Every time she utters "Meggy" it's like nails on a chalkboard. On the flip side, every time Jack calls Brad "Brattyington" I giggle like a schoolgirl.

--It's too bad that the colonel is crazy. It would have been nice to see the family drama of him struggling with Noah's sexual choice, simply because he didn't agree with it, not because he's loony tunes. Making the colonel a villain is the easy way out, implying that anyone who doesn't endorse a gay lifestyle is a bad person. To tell this story accurately, I think ATWT has to have someone on the canvas that isn't OK with Luke and Noah's homosexuality, but it should be someone who, although they don't agree, doesn't judge them or disrespect them.

--Is Alison so desperate for friends that she's willing to loan out her body to carry their baby? I just don't get this. The girl has been pimping out her body for the last year in her career as a porn star; I'd think she'd want some alone time.

--Emma Snyder needs to start charging rent. From what I can tell, that farmhouse is overflowing with wayward Snyders and their guests. It's practically the Waltons over there. It seems Brad, Meg, Craig, Jack, Sage, Parker, JJ, and Emma are all living under the same roof. And half the time, Lily and Holden are there, too. Lily and Holden do have their own house, so they must just like to visit, and frankly, who could blame them? Despite never being seen, Emma always seems to manage to have a fresh pie or cookies out for her inhabitants.

--I love Carly's curly hair. She looked stunning this week, as she was fainting at every turn. Scarlett O'Hara would be proud.

--Yawn. Is anyone enjoying this Sofie/Cole/Aaron story? I can't stomach more than a few seconds before I'm reaching for the fast forward button. And speaking of boring, I think that baby will probably end up as Will and Gwen's, because for some reason those two want to skip the fun of being young and carefree and go straight to parenthood, a mortgage, and a minivan.

--Who knew Holden was into the "working girl" look? I couldn't help but laugh when Lily, still dressed up in her hooker costume, told Holden she had donned the outfit for him. And yes, he really enjoyed it. It's always the quiet ones that surprise you.

--Note to Katie and Carly: The next time you fight over the same dress, be sure it's spectacular. That blue frock was pretty, but it certainly wasn't worth all that.

-- ATWT drinking-game players, we have a new word to add to the list. Take a drink anyone utters the term "pepparkakor." For those of you e-mailing and asking, "What the hell is pepparkakor?" Here's the answer. It's a thin gingerbread cookie, traditionally made in Sweden at Christmas. And because I'm devoted to being your Two Scoops scoopmeister, here's the recipe of Vienna's favorite dessert.

--Thumbs down to Katie and Jack's rush to the altar. I enjoy these two dating, so why are they so quick to make it legal? This will make Katie's fourth wedding, and Jack isn't a first-time groom himself. I would have thought they'd be a little more gun-shy of marriage.

--I know I've said this before, but it warrants repeating. Brad Snyder has turned out to be the biggest surprise on the show this year. I really thought I would hate this character, as I was never a fan of Austin Peck's "Austin" on Days of Our Lives. But, as bad-boy Brad, he's brilliant. More please.

--Lily lies like a pro. Is it wrong that I find her much more interesting when she's scheming? I don't think Holden will put up with much more though. When it comes out she's helping Dusty, Lily is going to need more than a hooker costume to keep her man.

--If anyone out there speaks "Paul," please translate for me. Does he love Rosanna or does he love Meg? The only thing I know for sure is that he hates Craig, and apparently his family, because every time he "dies" he never sees the urgency in letting them know he's actually alive. This last time, weeks went by before Will knew his brother was still alive.

--Thumbs up to Alison's new haircut. The bangs are banging. She looks even more beautiful.

--Henry and Vienna throw a good co-ed wedding shower. From the games to the "Bubbles" punch (Henry's nickname for Katie) it was fun to see the town get together for a celebration. The games were a hoot, as Jack and Katie answered questions about how well they know one another. Frankly, I was holding my breath when the questions started, though. I didn't think they had dated long enough to know each other's favorite movies let alone their favorite teachers in grade school. Henry's scorekeeping mechanism was a hoot, too: olives on a skewer. Priceless.

--Speaking of the shower, how about Lily stirring up trouble? I thought for a second she was going to get tossed for party violation behavior. Lily, that troublemaker, was berating Katie about Carly and then moved on to harass Margo about arresting Dusty.

--Kudos to the writers for the Henry/Katie scene in which Katie expressed sympathy for Carly. She told Henry that she had behaved just as bad as Carly had, in the past, and that it was hard to not feel sympathetic because she is now considered "the good one." Bravo Katie. The audience hasn't forgotten that you used to be a bad girl. It's nice to know you haven't either.

--Poor Maddie. Her last boyfriend is in prison and her current squeeze is gay. I hope Henry is making plenty of tips at that diner. He's going to need them to pay for her therapy.

--I loved Henry's gift to Katie: the wine bottle air-sucker device. That was cool. I'm off to see if such a tool actually exists.

--The Noah/Luke kiss is still getting plenty of attention in the press and from ATWT viewers, as evidenced by my e-mail box. As a few of you know, I write the TV site Tube Talk, www.tubetalk.blogspot.com, that is a syndicated blog at USA Today and Reuters news. I wrote about the kiss in my column there because a kiss between two men is a first for daytime. I posted the video clip, too, and people have had plenty to say about it in the comments section. If you're interested, check it out:

Best Lines of the Week:
(Brad sees Carly on the ground and asks Katie what happened. Katie explains that it's another scheme to get Jack's attention.)
Katie: "Carly fainted. Surprise, surprise.
Brad: "Fainted from what?"
Katie: "Lack of a better idea maybe?"

(Lily tells Jack he can use her connections to take Katie anywhere in the world in their honeymoon.)
Jack: "I'm sure it will fit in with my budget. That's why I got involved with the law enforcement, you know, for the big bucks."

(Henry explains the Bill of Rights.)
Henry: "We all have the freedom to be petty. It's an inalienable right."

Reader Spotlight:
(From Two Scoops reader Monique)
"Hi Jennifer. While I love reading your column, I couldn't disagree more with your feelings about Roger Howarth's portrayal of Paul. He's got so many levels and can say more with just a look than most actors giving their best. I confess, I didn't see the previous actor who played Paul; I actually followed Roger over from OLTL when he finally quit as Todd for the last time, so I admit to being biased. I'm hoping for a storyline re-pairing Paul & Rosanna romantically and leaving Craig & Meg (what a stupid couple name, BTW) in the dust. Thanks for listening and keep writing your wonderful column!"

(From Two Scoops Kristy.)
"The speech Jack gave Carly was painful to watch but I preferred it to the forced lovey-dovey of Kack. It seems that it is just the same scene over and over- Jack talks about the future, Katie brings up Carly, Jack does the 'I love you now' thing, Katie flashes those uberwhite veneers and goes on and on about sharing love and happiness forever and ever, blah, blah, blah. Admittedly I want a CarJack reunion but if Jack needs to have a relationship before that happens the least they could do is make it less sickening to watch (those lip smacking kisses are like nails on a chalkboard). Also, I am thrilled that Lily has something more to do than apologized to Holden. This is another case of the same scene being played over and over. I love Lily and Holden together but I was never satisfied with how they got back together after the Julia2 affair. He was (and is) so snotty and self righteous that I want to see something knock him down a peg or two. I was glad that Cole, Sophia and Iris were off the screen but I would have been happier if the writers gave us a break from Gwen and Will, they've had constant storylines for two years and it's too much."

(From Two Scoops reader Danny B.)
"I really don't see why everyone is making such a big deal out of the Luke/Noah storyline. There are a lot of gay people who really support the show, and watch on a regular basis (I should know, I'm one of them.) It's one thing I've personally had my fingers crossed for since Luke's character came out (although I thought shoving his mom down the stairs may have been a tad harsh.) It's a bit of a laugh to hear people question the morality of a show for showing two men kissing when so many other scenarios have been much worse (i.e. Emily the Hooker, Alison the Porn Star, etc;), but no one complains about those. Still, I know how powerful the pressure of ratings must be, so I'm holding out hope that my friends and, as gay youths, still have characters as compelling and realistic as Luke and Noah to relate to. It's about time for Luke to get a happy ending, and us as well."

(From Two Scoops reader Sue B.)
"I had written earlier stating that I was NOT in favor of watching the Luke/Noah story and had left it at that, but I feel I must expound more.Prior to this I was not happy with how "smarmy" ATWT had become. I was not happy that we had a porn star and hooker on the show with a lot of people literally getting away with murder. I still haven't watched the show since "the Kiss" and I plan to keep it that way."

(From Two Scoops reader Anne)
"I love your column. I hope people will get over the whole gay storyline soon. I have bigger issues, for example, with all of Paul's money he cannot afford to buy some clothes. He is always wearing the same coat and T-shirt. I am enjoying the Rosanna/ Paul/ Meg/ Craig story. I found myself fast-forwarding through every scene but theirs. I also agree with you about the Gwen/ Will/ Allie baby story. You can foretell this story before it unfolds. I have to say that the barbecue scene with Jack toasting Katie wanted to make me gag along with Katie confronting Carly. I see no chemistry between Katie and Jack and the story is making me dislike Katie more and more. At this point I could care less if Jack and Carly got back together but please put me out of my misery and break up Jack and Katie. I hope they will also stop making Carly look so desperate. She looks fabulous she should have men chasing her. I would love Jack and Carly to get back together but enough already. I find myself watching other shows when they start dragging out a story. Your viewers are not retarded and a year and half of this is way too long. Brad is the only person is the group that is starting to show promise. He is very funny. I almost would like to see him get a new love interest and have Katie dump Jack because she realizes she is really in love with Brad."

That's all for now Scoopers! See ya next time.
Jennifer Biller