Comas, homecomings and lame excuses

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The week of May 29, 2006
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Another week, another box of tissues. If I were a smarter woman, I would have invested in Kleenex before sweeps even started. With all of this Kendall-or-Spike drama, I'm surprised I haven't passed out from dehydration. Zach's desperation and comatose Kendall's pleas had me choked up all week. Cheesy? Yep. But what can I say? I'm a sucker for Zach-and-Kendall sappiness.

Another week, another box of tissues. If I were a smarter woman, I would have invested in Kleenex before sweeps even started. With all of this Kendall-or-Spike drama, I'm surprised I haven't passed out from dehydration. Zach's desperation and comatose Kendall's pleas had me choked up all week. Cheesy? Yep. But what can I say? I'm a sucker for Zach-and-Kendall sappiness.

This week was another roller coaster. Zach allowed Julia in to check on Kendall, only to have Erica sneak in and try to strong arm his gun from him. And yes, that looked as ridiculous as it sounds. Later on, Kung Fu Julia managed to get the gun and threatened to shoot Zach, but she eventually relented, becoming the latest person to FINALLY realize how much Zach loves his wife.

Welcome Home, Binks!

This set the stage for Bianca's return. True to form, Binks was the voice of reason, refusing to try to change Zach's mind about his decision. This earned her a severe verbal beat down from her mother. Listening to Erica Kane criticize other people's decision making skills is almost as funny as Ryan talking about anger management. Binks also talked Ryan down from his insane mood swings. "Don't send the cops in! No wait! Send them in with guns blazing! No, stop, I changed my mind again!" Ultimately, Lavery decided to let Kendall have her way, ending the week with a tentative truce with Zach (much to Erica's horror).

Before I move on to the rest of Pine Valley, I feel the need to comment on Ryan's little revelation on Friday, when he told Bianca that he is in love with Kendall. My favorite part of that little exchange was this line: "I'm too late, aren't I?" Yes Ryan, give or take two freaking years! Remember the "love of your life" Greenlee, who you've barely mentioned in the past six months? Or when you told Erin that Kendall was a short detour to the beloved Green Butterfly? Not to mention all the horrible, hateful things you said and did to Kendall since marrying the woman who almost sent her to jail.

As is usually the case with Ryan, this is way too little, way too late. That said, it doesn't worry me that Ryan has poured his fickle little heart out. As Bianca said, Kendall and Zach are in love, and its time for Ryan to move on, just as Kendall has. I think this whole storyline is giving us some much needed closure on Ryan and Kendall as a romantic duo, and it's long overdue.

Like Lurky, Like Son

JR spent the first part of this week locked in a jail cell, where Dixie confronted Junior about his alcoholism and his recent actions. She even trotted out her own JR-inflicted bullet-wound scar to try to get her point across. You remember, the one she got when she was lurking outside the cabin, listening to her son have a complete breakdown but never revealing herself? I'm sorry, but it's really tough for me to listen to Dixie go on and on about JR taking responsibility for his actions when Dixie spent four years avoiding the same thing.

Dixie did make some valid points, and JR wasn't winning any sympathy from me either, but Dixie's comments might have made a greater impact if they had been cast by someone who wasn't so obviously living in a glass house. Stuart was the only member of JR's family who was willing to spring him, but he handcuffed himself to his nephew and took him on a little lurking tour of his own. After hearing his wife, brother and father express their true feelings, JR softened towards all of them - including Dixie, who JR overheard telling the truth about Kate (I'll get to that in a minute). The week ended with JR begging his wife for forgiveness - again. Is it just me, or do Babe and JR have three or four standard conversations, which they engage in over and over again? It's really getting old. Move forward or move on!

Dixie finally spilled her guts to Tad this week, telling him the truth about what happened with Dr. Madden and their daughter Kate. At first, Tad assumed Dixie was delusional - and I'll bet that he wishes she was after hearing the real story. The gory details: it seems that Greg convinced Dixie she was going to die and then talked her into voluntarily putting Kate up for adoption, because she thought Tad couldn't forgive their baby for causing Dixie's death. Um, OK.

The New, Not-So-Improved Dixie

This is the story that lured Cady McClain back to AMC? Finding out that Dixie had such little faith in Tad that she gave away their child rather than letting her be a part of the lovingly messed up extended Martin-Chandler-Cooney clan? At least the writers allowed Tad to say everything most viewers were thinking - why didn't Dixie come back when she realized she wasn't dying, and enlist her huge, powerful family and her private detective soul mate to help her in her desperate search? I know this is supposed to a different Dixie than we remember, but I'm afraid she's a little too different, in the worst way possible.

David, of course, is Dixie's only consistent ally. I guess mindless obsession is good for something. David's insane devotion to Dixie did lead to one of the best scenes of the week - The Evil Doctor Showdown between Dr. Hayward and Dr. Madden about Kate's whereabouts. David drugged Madden and then taunted him in that unique Hayward style, saying he would only save him if Greg coughed up info on Dixie's missing child. Unfortunately, Amanda showed up in the nick of time, forcing David to save Dr. Madman's life. Madden then re-enlisted Mandy into his surrogacy plot, after which Tad and Madden exchanged threats about Kate and Dixie.

I saved the worst for last - the creep fest that was Lily and Jonathan's New York Adventures. As predicted, I did get more concerned for Lily when Terry the Pervert put the moves on her. But was any of that really necessary? It just smacked of manufactured danger, all put in place to make Jonathan a hero. Yes, I realize this is a TV show - everything's manufactured! This story just seems a little more contrived and formulaic than usual. Plus, it was just plain creepy. I think my neighbors think I'm nuts, since I was periodically yelling "Ewwwwwwww!" at regular intervals, while Terry was putting "the moves" on poor Lily.

I was hoping that Jonathan's bump on the head might mean a return to good old Insane Jonathan, or maybe even a more mature version of the new, tumor-free Jonny Boy. Instead, we got Jonathan with a headache, an exceedingly cheesy (though beautifully filmed) tour of NYC and Lily professing her newfound love for Lavery. And then, the topper - Jonathan proposed and she accepted. For the love of god, make it stop!!!

Here's hoping that by the next time we meet, Lily will be Jonathan-free, Spike and his mother will be alive and well and living with Zach, and Erica will have stopped her screeching.

See you back here in two weeks.
-- Kristine

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