After watching the past five days of All My Children, I've come to a decision: I need medical help. Apparently, I'm hallucinating. I recognize all the people on the TV screen, but they are acting completely out of character.
Take Zach and Greenlee, for example. This week, I saw Greenlee instinctively locate Zach when even his wife couldn't find him. I saw Zach all but tell Greens he couldn't imagine his life without her (I can, Zach, if you need some help with that). I saw Greenlee impulsively hug Zach and thank him for his friendship. I clearly need medication.
Honestly, is anyone buying this instant friendship? Sure, I expected them to call a truce after everything they went through, but to completely wipe out everything that's happened in the past year and have them sitting on a porch chatting like old pals? It just doesn't compute. Of course, all of that almost-killing-Spike-and-Ian stuff happened when the Fake Greenlee was on the scene, so, by AMC's logic, all should be forgotten.
As much as it pains me to say it, it really looks like they might be setting up something for Greenlee and Zach down the road. Now, I don't necessarily assume that it will be a full-blown romance (though that might just be because I cannot wrap my head around such a ridiculous, hideous idea). Once the truth comes out about Kendall and Aidan's plot device - um, I mean, one-night stand - Zach and Greenlee might have a revenge romp. No, it won't make sense, but that's never stopped these writers before.
Before any of the horrible scenarios I have running through my head can actually play out, however, Greenlee has to be miraculously cured. Thankfully, this leads me to the best part of the week - the return of Angie and Jesse Hubbard.
I'm done complaining about how this comeback was overshadowed by the other, over-advertised return (OK, [i]now[/i] I'm done), because I'd rather focus on how much I've enjoyed the Hubbards so far. It's so nice to Angie back in the fold, talking with Tad or taking charge at the hospital. I'm even willing to overlook the fact that people didn't recognize Frankie, just because I love watching him and his mom so much. When Opal brought that photo of Angie and Jesse, I got a little teary.
But nothing tops the last scene of the week, the first time we laid eyes on Jesse Hubbard. Yes, he's supposed to be dead. Yes, he died in Angie's arms. Yes, he's appeared numerous times as a very-dead angel. You know what, though? I don't care. This storyline has me feeling something I haven't felt about AMC in months - excited.
I knew exactly how and when Jesse would come back and it didn't lessen the impact of the reveal one bit. I was just genuinely happy to see him. I can't wait until he gets to interact with Tad, and when he finally comes face-to-face with Angie, I'll be on the edge of my seat. Of course, I'm still terrified the writers will screw this up and push the Hubbards to the backburner in a New York minute, but for right now, I'm happy.
Searching for Kate
Unfortunately, while I'm waiting for Tad to stumble upon his old pal, alive and well, I have to watch him hang out with his "wife," Krystal, who's taking it upon herself to find Kate. Well, actually, she's forcing JR to do it for her.
After Adam tried to blackmail her into marriage by promising to reveal Kate's whereabouts, Krystal convinced Junior to move back in with dear old Dad to figure out what he knows. Of course, JR being JR, went over and immediately overplayed his hand. Within about 20 minutes, he had already started talking about Tad and Kate and came [i]this close[/i] to getting caught breaking into Adam's safe.
Does anyone think this plot is really going to work? Watching Junior try to outsmart his father is pretty pathetic. He may have inherited Adam's mean streak, but he certainly lost out on the intelligence. And isn't a bit much to watch Krystal, of all people, trying to reunite a parent with their long lost child? That must be a quality she developed [i]after[/i] she kept Miranda from Bianca for nearly a year. And after she abandoned her plan to keep Tad's other daughter from him [i]forever[/i].
The Same Old Ryan
In Lavery news, Annie finally got tested to see if she was a bone marrow match for Richie, just before he was about to kidnap Emma and force her hand. Of course, Annie some conditions - namely, that Richie leave town and stop torturing her after the transplant. She also made him sign a full confession as an insurance policy. That would be really clever if it wasn't completely ridiculous.
The most unintentionally hilarious scene of the week had to be Ryan and Annie congratulating themselves over the shrewd little maneuver. As Ryan babbled on about how they could drop off their obviously inadmissible confession off with the cops if Richie kept causing trouble, all I could hear was Richie, three months from now, pleading his case to Derek and the Keystone Kops. "Yes, I signed the confession. But I was dying, and Annie said she wouldn't save my life if I didn't confess to all her crazy lies! I love my sister, but honestly, I'm really worried about her. She needs help." [i]That[/i] will be fun.
Also, I don't understand why people were so shocked when Ryan attacked Richie. I know Annie wasn't around during his fight club heyday, but all that seemed perfectly in character to me. Not to mention that Annie's evaluation of the situation made no sense - she characterized it as "out of the blue." Um, honey, your husband just found out that you agreed to save the life of the man who has been terrorizing your family for months. I think that could push someone over the edge, especially when that person is Ryan Lavery. She can blame it on the gunshot wound all she wants, but to me that's just vintage Ryan. With his past anger management issues, his behavior this week wasn't exactly a stretch.
Speaking of Ryan's past, there's something I just have to address before I end this week's column.
[b]WARNING: This section deals with scenes that haven't aired yet. If you want to be surprised, just skip to the next section.[/b]
Remember, in my last column, how I mentioned AMC was regressing, revisiting storylines that had been tried (and that failed)? Well, I guess the writers felt they were being a bit too metaphorical, because this week, they are actually turning back the clock. Ryan Lavery is going to wake up with amnesia, with no memory of the last four years of his life.
Yep, that's right beleaguered AMC fans! The powers-that-be have taken a long, hard look at the show, listened to your complaints and concerns, and have decided you would be much happier in the year 2004. Considering the staggering number of mistakes they've made in the last four years, I guess it's somewhat understandable. If Ryan completely forgets falling for Greenlee, almost punching her in the face, driving off a cliff to avoid parenthood, treating Kendall like an incubator, and various other bonehead moves, doesn't that mean the audience will forget, too? In a word: no.
I guess the whole Zach/Kendall/Greenlee/Aidan debacle wasn't quite convoluted enough for the writers' tastes, because this little twist drags Annie and Ryan into the mess, too. Now, all Ryan will be able to remember will be his "love" for Kendall. Well, isn't that just super?! You're already ticking off fans by trying to put Greenlee in the middle of your most popular couple, why not throw Ryan back in there as well (for the hundredth time, no less).
All I can hope for is that this will somehow lead to a Ryan/Greenlee reunion. After all, 2004 was about the time Greens started plotting to steal him from her "sister;" maybe this will kickstart her feelings for him again. Sounds crazy, does it? Well, you should know to never underestimate the incredible psychic connection between the Green Butterfly and her Dynamite Kiddo. I know I sure as hell haven't.
Charmed, I'm Sure
Finally, as you likely know by now, the book that Kendall wrote on the show, Charm!, is actually going to be sold in stores, starting in February. Now, this is not the type of thing I would normally purchase, but I'm going to anyway. (My reason can be summed up in two words: Alicia Minshew.) I'm sure the book storyline will end up being a way to build Kendall up before she gets torn down, but what can I say? I'm a Kendall/Alicia fan at heart. Oh, and before you ask: no, I'm not going to run out and buy a truckload of Campbell's Soup.
That's it for me, guys. See you in two weeks.